Okinawan Food

Everything Japan does is usually full throttle, so I guess I should have expected Okinawan food to be as prevalent as it is.  Okinawa has a lot of claims to fame and they can all be found within arms reach. I've only had a handful thus far, but I've been pretty happy with the selection.  Like the mainland, every different prefecture has something they do different but okinawa does many things, way different.

Goya chanpuru is pretty well known and is in the top middle of the picture above.  The goya is the green bitter melon and it is mixed in stir fry.  I can't really compare it to anything because it doesn't taste like any food I've ever had.  Really bitter is all I can say, but it works really well mixed together with all the other ingredients.

I'm putting Koregusu on everything here!  It is hot peppers mixed with awamori (okinawan alcohol with an acquired taste). You then pour the spicy alcohol on your okinawan soba and taste the magic. I'm not sure how much alcohol is actually in the mixture, but it has quite a spicy kick so have a beer ready. It tastes WAY better than the awamori with the pit viper in it, Habushu. Habushu may be a story for another time but lets just say some places give free samples, it tastes like bitter whiskey, it is supposed to be good for your health (yeah right) and its pretty disturbing how they make it.

The good stuff, Koregusu ( コーレーグース) 

Stay tuned.

お酒

Sake is awesome. Often referred to as Japanese 'wine', If you don’t know too much about sake, this article will change what little you know about drinking and cooking with Sake. I found everything about this article to be good news.  For example:

Cheaper sake is better for cooking – great.
Sake doesn’t age well, so get it fresh and drink it quickly – done.
Sake is more like beer than wine, so I guess that means it’s cool to just drink it from the bottle?
Sake and mirin are also good ways of adding the mysterious umami taste to your food – awesome

 My latest sake du jour

Many people point to umami as the reason Japanese food is so filling and delicious. And interestingly, combining salty/sweet/sour with umami creates a tasty sensation greater than the sum of their individual parts. For you Japanophiles, it’s like a half saiyan/half human being more powerful than both species apart – they compliment each other and make your taste buds go super saiyan…or something lame like that.

I'd like to conclude with what I call, the void.  Not to get too sidetracked but in addition to ‘reverse culture shock’, a return back from Japan leaves a hole in your stomach that cannot be filled with American cuisine. If you go to Japan for any extended period of time, going off of Japanese food cold turkey is a rough time. On my visits to America I found myself eating all day, every day and never EVER getting full. This may have combined with the sadness of leaving Japan and the crying myself to sleep, but it is not just me.  My friends who have visited for mere weeks reported the same thing happening to them.  Just one more reason to never leave Japan.

What's the Color of Eggplant?

To all you 'mericans out there, Japan is a strange and beautiful place.  Many things that are "normal" in Japan are not normal in America or anywhere else, which is a big reason I love Japan.  It works the other way too.  Truck nuts and fat chicks??  Not normal in Japan. 

This sounded so stupid the first time I heard it, but it also kind of freaked me out.  I had just downed half a bottle of Rum Chata, and I was hiccuping like crazy when a certain Japanese lady asked me, whats the color of an eggplant?...what the hell does that have to do with anything??  ....WOAH, my hiccups stopped!  I've NEVER heard this before, but apparently its one of those Japanese wives' tales (like drinking from the wrong side of the glass, or being scared).  I can't really speak for the validity of this, because I've only tested it once, but it worked for me.  Next time someone has the hiccups, ask them "なすの色は何色？" 

Rikimaru is awesome...but whats the color of that Eggplant over there??

What Commercials Are Teaching Us

Japanese TV and I have never really seen eye to eye.  Seriously Japan, why do you spend, literally, millions of dollars to produce commercials while spending what looks like $3.75 on the drama that these commercials air after.  Commercials are blockbuster quality yet Japanese dramas make American soap operas look like the latest Michael Bay film...but I digress.

Japanese commercials have given me a lot of insight into Japanese culture.  Not everything I learn watching CMs is positive, but I'm always learning.  This got me thinking about what other Americans, especially those not living in Japan, think about these commercials.  And if you flip that, what are Japanese learning from the garbage America produces?

Well I got a partial answer the other night when Tosh aired a Japanese commercial in which Tommy Lee Jones in singing.  There's no doubt that he looks completely out of place, but the commercial is supposed to be kinda serious yet just Jones' presence makes it funny to Americans.  Those Japanese sure are weird!  Yet Tommy Lee Jones has been doing commercials in Japan for years, and has become quite the icon.  Just thinking of the name Tommy Lee Jones makes me want a boss coffee.

I'll join him on the rainbow mountain any day

By the same token, American commercials are teaching Japanese that American men are only smart enough to order dollar food and also pansies who can't even voice an opinion to women.  Like this McDonald's commercial where some unfortunate bastard is afraid of getting kicked out of his house for considering Sundays are a good day for football.  I hope Japanese women don't watch too many of these American commercials and start thinking that's acceptable behavior...

Speaking of McDonald's, here is a Japanese McDonald's commercial.  Not only are they introducing something new, the shrimp filet, but its cheerful and the woman is happy not emasculating some poor sap.  And this commercial teaches us that Japanese women are adorable, and that you don't need to actually show any food to sell it.   Sure sex sells, but Japan doesn't really go for full on sex.  They usually go for ridiculously cute.  From this you can conclude that Japan has a strong kawaii culture while keeping up conservative appearances and not talking about actual sex.  See, we're learning!

Even if you've never been to Japan, you can just type CM into youtube, check out some videos and let the learning begin.   

きれいな京都

Kyoto, unlike Tokyo, never disappoints me or steals my money. Kyoto is a fine whiskey that always goes down smooth. Kyoto is a gorgeous high school girl that can keep a secret...okay, its getting a little weird. My point is that Kyoto is still my favorite city in Japan.

Kyoto is absolutely beautiful. From the girls working at OPA, to the scenic views on the outskirts of the city, this place just reeks of sexiness. What I love the most is that you can see tons of cool temples, parks, and bars just by walking from Sanjo Station (on the Keihan Line) or Kawaramachi Station (Hankyu Line). From those stations, OPA mall, 3 clubs, and Shakey's Pizza are about a 5 minute walk. Kiyomizu Temple, Yasaka Shrine and Maruyama Park are about a 30 minute walk that is completely uphill.

Last week I hit up all of the above mentioned spots in just a few hours. The best place to relax after the long walk is right on the river. Grab a friend, some Chu-hai, and some Jyagariko and you've got yourself an evening.

Because Kyoto is so chill, there is always something going on by the river. This particular evening there was a dude dancing with fire while his friend slaved away on the bongos....I'm sure you can guess which one got the girls.

Try and dance without bongos, asshole.

I could write for days about Kyoto...so I think I will. Stay tuned.

Following the Rules

Japan is a country of rules. Whether they are written rules or unspoken is not exactly relevant, they will be followed just the same. I am of course speaking in generalities, but if you’ve spent any time in Japan you’ll notice that the vast majority of its citizens follow society’s laws, a definite shock to those from America. These rules, and the ability to actually follow them, make Japan a peaceful and harmonious place even in big cities where there are 14,000 people / square mile. (4000/km^2 for those of you smart enough to know metric)


Much of what upsets me about Japan (which is not very much) stems from my desire to break rules and Japan not taking too kindly to that. In my head, rules are there for a reason: to govern people too stupid to know any better. Rules can also be broken when nobody is looking. In
Japan, the rules are for everyone. These rules, as a big picture provide a safe and cohesive Japan. The little picture involves it being 3 am with approximately 2 cars on the road, while people still wait for the light to tell you that its okay to cross the street. I certainly don’t do that, but many Japanese people do.

Even the more racist rules, like not letting us white folks in to bars and other establishments (usually bars where women are paid to talk to you), are followed without hesitation. It doesn't happen too often but it still stings every time I'm denied service for being white. But in the back of my mind I know that in the past some pompous businessmen came to Japan, couldn't keep their hands to themselves, and have forever ruined it for the rest of us.

In the wake of the recent earthquake/tsunami disaster, Japans conviction has been commended in many news reports. And speaking of news reports, there are rules for that too. Rather than
sensationalize the disaster (I’m looking at you CNN, FOX, NBC, everyone else), there is a method of reporting in which you give the facts and try to invoke as little panic as possible. This of course makes the news reports a little more boring, but it’s a nice feeling being able to listen to the news and actually believe some of what is being said.

Changes in Perception

I can’t stress enough how much my perception of Japan changed over the years. It truly does surprise me. It makes me wonder how much of the stuff I believe about Europe and South America is completely untrue. Though, I’m pretty sure Germans wearing socks and sandals is fact…and gross.

Here are some minute and detailed things I didn’t realize were completely unfounded.
For starters, I was under the impression that Japanese people were bento eating, judo knowing, train riding, fetish loving, anime watching smart people. I could not have been more wrong. I can’t think of one Japanese person that fits all of these characteristics. In fact, some of these attributes, like anime and fetishes, are such a minority that it makes no sense why I would have ever believed that.

Eating bento, Japanese box lunch, though fairly common, is not quite as popular as I first imagined. Many department stores and some restaurants sell these pre-made lunches with many different dishes in their own compartments, but they don’t seem to be as popular as grabbing a quick bowl of ramen or gyuudon. My perception may be skewed by the fact that eating bento is not really done in public places, but I’m pretty sure this is not the most popular method of eating lunch.

Much to my dismay, martial arts is about as popular in Japan as it is in America, so being a black belt does not do much for my nanpa game. Weak.

Okay, I was basically right about riding trains, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t cars in Japan, just fewer. Trains are awesome and efficient, but they are by no means the only way to travel in Japan. Taxis, buses, my friends’ cars, and bicycles are just as important to my travel in Japan as trains are. Plus, if you want to see what rural Japan has to offer, or the beach, good luck finding a train that goes there.

Another popular myth was that Anime in Japan has more cursing and violence than what you see on cartoon network. Well, more cursing would be quite a feat since Japanese doesn’t really have any curse words. Kuso, chikusho, kisama, are loosely interpreted as shit, son of a bitch, asshole respectively. However...
Kuso can also be used pretty lightly, depending on intonation. Like 'mekuso' can be used to describe the crap that's in your eyes when you wake up.
Chikusho, is now pretty outdated, and just means beast. I guess it’s crude by Japanese standards, but by no means a four letter word.

I'm getting off topic but I'll close with words I've learned that do offend people.

Kisama and Omae are fairly rude things to call someone to their face (they literally mean 'you'...just a rude version). They aren't curse words per se, but are good at getting a rise out of people nonetheless. Myself and my other bromodachi use Omae when talking to women, because why not?

When you want to refer to some other asshole across the room, aitsu is a good choice.

Women in Japan

You think women not being ‘allowed’ to cook sushi is weird? How about them not being ‘allowed’ to be buried with their own families? There are a few more issues at hand than this single sentence scary headline, so I’ll dissect it down a bit for you.

Cemeteries in Japan are a little more advanced than America, in that they don’t bury your whole body because that wastes a ton of space, so you’re first cremated and then placed in a smaller plot. I know a lot of folks that even find this outdated and don’t wish to be buried at all, so not EVERYONE opts for getting buried.

What is not so advanced is families telling other members where and where not to be buried. Traditionally, when a woman marries in Japan, she is assimilated into her husband’s family and essentially cut off from her own. It is really a terrible deal because her husband’s family often doesn’t welcome her as their own but just tolerates her presence. The wife/mother in law relationship is a particularly tense one. When I first heard about this I thought it was an outdated stereotype, but it actually does happen quite often. I don’t really see how this cycle has continued for so many generations. You would think the women in each family would remember how crappy it was getting married, losing your own family only to be treated like dirt in another. This problem is compounded if the husband’s family is old and has to live with him. I’m starting to see why the 自殺 rate is so high…..

The issue here is whether or not a woman can choose to be buried with her own family once she has been married. Since she has 'left' her own family and 'joined' her husbands, some feel that she should only be buried with the husband's family. I think the bigger issue here is ‘who the hell cares?’, but again this is a tradition in Japan so common sense does not apply.

Women are making huge strides in Japan, which is great because they have had to put up with a lot of crap over the years. Even something as simple as keeping your last name when you marry causes a big stink and a lawsuit in Japan. Keep fighting the good fight ladies!

Women and Sushi

I’ve mentioned before how ‘tradition’ is a viable excuse in Japan, and it has popped up again in a recent outrage. Let me start by saying that I honestly don’t think this problem is nearly as big as
the news is making it. News on Japan has been wrong before. Plus, on slow news days, they like to make up confrontation. (link to Cracked news article). It is quite possible that there is only 1 offended chef in the story I’m about to share.

Basically, there is a new restaurant in Tokyo that has managed to combine 2 of Japan’s greatest services: sushi, and paying people to talk to you. This sushi bar is staffed entirely by women who both make sushi and converse with the customers. Its like a hooters that serves sushi – how is that a problem??

I see no problem here

The problem is that sushi making in Japan is traditionally a man’s job. Its tradition, enough said!
What I like most about this situation is that people actually feel like they can say that in Japan.
Even when I participated in the Taiko Matsuri I was told that women are not allowed to ride on the ‘float’, because they are ‘unclean’. This was the one instance where I saw gaijin come out on top. Take that women of Japan!! Oh wait, this is kinda sad.

If you thought this was going to be a post about Nyotaimori (女体盛り), I appologize, but I will get to that post as soon as I do the 'research'.

Weird Ass Japan

I’m a huge fan of cracked.com, and a common theme on the website is how ridiculous Japan is. Here is what most readers think of Japan. While it’s easy to blame the media….you know what, I’ll just blame the media. The only stuff from Japan to make it to the US is their over the top and usually perverted アニメ (incorrectly pronounced anne-ih-may), even stranger porn, sushi, bad お酒 (incorrectly pronounced sock-ee), and more recently, Hello Kitty.

Did you know that all Japanese AV (adult video) has to be censored so you can’t actually see anything? When you have to blur all the good parts, you end up getting creative to keep people's interest. The weird AV that you see now is sort of the movie companies’ way of exploiting a loophole. Apparently Japan feels like you shouldn't see genitals, but it's okay to see 23 dudes take on one crying teenager...but I digress.

Its crazy how quickly the weird aspects and traditions of one culture spread to another faster than the legitimate aspects. For instance, America views Japan as a workaholic, rice & endangered species eating, tentacle loving, fetish haven; While they view America as an obese, rude, guns and beef loving, crime infested crap hole. I think the major problem is both parties are getting all their information on each other from youtube or their local news. Its fun to say Japan sells used underwear in vending machines or that everyone in Japan knows karate, but that just isn't the case.

This Scene is Not Normal

It is a bit odd that Japan is pushing the cool Japan slogan, when its key exports are anime, video games, and TV's - 3 things least likely to be associated with the word 'cool. Meanwhile, all of the best stuff from Japan (umeshu, jyagariko, sexy fashion, trains, and some music) is nowhere to be found in America. You need to get on that Japan. America needs to know what you really have to offer. At least send over a few skinny girls once in a while to help counteract America's morbid obesity.

地震の後

This is the kind of stuff I love to hear about Japan. I can rant all I want about how awesome Japan and its residents are, but this goes beyond words.

In the midst of America sensationalizing and over exaggerating a small radiation leak, you can find stories of Japanese people sticking together and following social order. Does everyone remember hurricane Katrina and how COPS in New Orleans were looting everything they could
find??? I sure as hell do. Japan just got rocked by a ridiculously large earthquake and tsunami, and they’re waiting patiently in lines for absolutely essential items. Some have had to ride bikes for miles just to find This disaster has given Japan a chance to show its true
colors, and they are radiant. Besides the chu-hais and wonderfully skinny and sexy women, this is my favorite aspect of Japan. Though it is a source of conflict at times for my more individualistic mind set, the cohesion and morality in Japan is beyond compare.

There is little crime and everyone finds a way to get along though there are more than 10 times as many people per square mile than in the US. You could leave a sack of money in the middle of
Umeda station and pick it up the next day from lost and found. In all seriousness, I know folks who have left suitcases unattended for 10+ hours in the stations to go sightseeing only to find their suitcases exactly where they left them.

This may be surprising to some (Americans), but there are parts of the world where people are not douches. There is a socially acceptable way to behave and treat fellow human beings, and no disaster should change that. Thank you Japan for providing a fantastic example of non-douchery.

Chopsticks Etiquette, Mostly 嫌い橋

First off, learn how to use chopsticks. It takes approximately 5 seconds to learn.

Now you know

Done? Now that you’ve learned, here are some rules that go along with them.

Most of these are common sense, and things like ‘don’t stick chopsticks in your nose or in your mouth (銜え箸) and then make walrus sounds’ are not mentioned. The key ones are:

Don’t stab and leave your chopsticks sticking out of your rice, because it is considered rude and resembles the incense placed in sand at a funeral.

Don’t pass food to other peoples chopsticks using your own because this also relates to dead people according to the link above.

Don’t use your chopsticks to pull bowls/plates closer to you. (寄せ箸)

If you remember those, you should be solid. Keep in mind, these are really only rules you should follow when drinking with coworkers/a boss or when you’re trying to impress your Japanese significant other’s family. When eating with friends, especially when you’re just a dumb foreigner, you can let these rules go a bit. My Japanese friends stir their drinks, ‘bridge’, and lick their chopsticks all the time. Who cares?? Old people, that’s who.

There is only one downside to being able to use chopsticks in Japan is you have to hear 'good chopstick skills!' (お箸上手!) every 5 minutes. Apparently, white people are not expected to be able to handle this skill, and Japanese will compliment you on it every chance they get. Its nice to hear at first but is kind of an insult when you think about it. You’re not getting complimented on your good hashi skills, your getting complimented on actually being able to use them even though you have the handicap of being foreign.

レストラン

If you’ve ever been to Japan, you’ll almost immediately notice hundreds of familiar stores/restaurants from America. Subway, McDonalds, Cold Stone, KFC, Baskin Robins, Burger King, Dennys, Pizza Hut and now Aunt Annie’s Pretzels to name a few. Even Mister Donuts, now considered a staple of Japan, was once a Boston based company. I’m a little confused about AM/PM. The first time I saw them was in Japan but I’ve actually found them in Vegas and DC. Krispy Cream used to be popular in Japan, but those gross donuts finally fizzled out a few years ago.

Despite the name being extremely familiar, the store itself will likely be worlds different. And by ‘different’, I of course mean ‘better’. I know I’ve already mentioned how fantastic conbinis are in Japan, but Subway and cold stone blow America away too.

First of all, Subway in Japan has variety. There are many ‘set’ options, as well as many more types of subs. I particularly appreciate how there is more than one vegetarian sub on the menu (holy crap, did japan just beat America at vegetarianism too?). Avocado shrimp, avocado veggie, egg, herb dog, Cajun chickin are just a few of the sub choices. And you can get freakin French fries with your meal!! Also soup…but freakin French fries, hell yeah!! You can even get different types of seasoning for your fries if you’re feeling frisky. Lets not forget that you can wash this all down with a melon soda…this is making me hungry.

As for cold stone in Japan, the first thing you’ll notice is a lack of morbidly obese kids and their parents who walked a whole 10 feet today so they decided to treat themselves to a 3000 calorie shake. Cold stone in Japan is a bit expensive, but well worth hearing the employees sing in Japanese. The cold stone I found in Roppongi is a bit off the beaten path, but worth a trip, check it out. There are others throughout Tokyo and other big cities in Japan as well.

I know it sounds pretty weak to go to a foreign country only to go to the same restaurants you’d normally go to, but they are most certainly not the same thing. You can get a lot of insight into Japanese culture if you really soak in all the differences.

ひな祭り

One of Japan’s lesser known festivals is the Hina Matsuri, often called Girls Day. Japanese celebrate their daughters on 3/3 by setting out dolls and eating specific foods.

The dolls, representing the emperor and empress, are supposed to be taken out early, around February ,and put away before right after the festival. Failure to put them away in a timely manner is bad luck…OOOOOHHHH. The only answer I got for the ‘bad luck’ was from
Wikipedia, which says “leaving the dolls past March 4 will result in a late marriage for the daughter” This festival can trace its origins to more than 1000 years ago, back when people used the lunar calendar, so placing a specific date on ‘bad luck’ seems a little ridiculous…almost as ridiculous as believing in bad luck in the 21st century.


The dolls and displays range from simple (as shown) to insanely elaborate. No matter how elaborate your set-up is, the emperor and empress always go on top, and the other dolls, like attendants and samurai, are placed on a specific lower tier.

The food that people typically eat is Hina Arare. It is popped rice covered in a sugar or chocolate coating. You usually leave the Hina Arare near the dolls (because it's their food?) and then eat it at the end of the festival. They are pretty good, so give it a try some time.

As for other holidays, I believe the next holiday in Japan is March 20th, though its not really exciting...

The Joys of Being a Gaijin

The wonderful thing about being a gaijin in Japan (well, one wonderful thing) is that most women make it pretty clear whether or not they like foreigners. Whether a 日本人 lady likes foreigners or not, it is nice to know where she stands right off the bat so you don’t waste your time.

FACT: Contrary to popular nerd beliefs, Japanese women do not all like white dudes. There are a certain number of women who do, in fact, only go after foreigners and they are called gaisen　(外専) and these are the women that you see with those greasy, lanky, American rejects all over Japan. I don’t really blame gaisen for this, they are just working with what they have, and Japan tends to attract the weirdos. I haven’t quite determined if the word gaisen is offensive yet, so I would wait on using it in public.

After talking to some of these gaisen, I’ve found that they don’t necessarily hate Japanese men, they just hate what there life would be like with them...and I’m not really sure which one is worse. For instance, Japanese men (and I am most definitely generalizing) tend to not show as much affection. Kissing, hugging, and saying ‘I love you’ are rarely done and most certainly not done in public. Plus, once a Japanese man starts work, he could work 14 hour days, leaving little time for taking care of and spending time with his lady. Some gaisen also like muscle which is something lacking on many Japanese men. They also don’t have big blue eyes like yours truly.

The younger generation seems to not hate us foreigners so much, so if you are in the market to score some Japanese ladies, now is as good a time as any, but…

READER BEWARE: Gaisen are often confused with Eigo-bandits - not a real word but a very appropriate phrase for these women as you will see shortly (Thanks go out to my buddy Zach for coining this phrase). Eigo-bandits and Gaisen are not the same thing. In fact, they are quite the opposite of what you’re looking for. While gaisen only like to date foreigners, Eigo-bandits simply want to use foreigners for their language ability. Some girls are really aiming high for that ANA job and need to practice their English! Found a Japanese lady but you’re not sure which kind of girl she is? Here are some clues that she’s an Eigo-bandit.

She ONLY speaks in English. She asks you to invite other foreigners out for her friends. She goes to Kansai Gaidai University.

Clues that you’ve got a keeper: She never speaks English, she wants to meet your friends (not just the foreign ones), good judge of character (she can spot the difference between normal and nerdy foreigners).

Eigo-bandits come in all shapes and sizes, so stay on your toes.

Last words of wisdom: Learn Japanese! The number of women you meet, date (or bone) is directly proportional to your language ability. Besides, I’m always wary of Japanese girls who know too much English – see above – and those are the only girls you’ll meet when you can’t speak Japanese.

外国人: The love-hate relationship

I think Mr. Baseball most appropriately described being a foreigner (Gaijin) in Japan. "It's like being a black guy back at home. Only there are less of us." To a large extent this is true. Foreigners are foreigners, it doesn't really matter too much which country you came from. Being in Japan opened my eyes to many new experiences. Before Japan, I had no idea what it was like to be unfamiliar with a country's customs and I had never experienced racism.

Bad racism does not happen too often, but when it does it is eye opening. You can go a month without seeing/experiencing it, but then one day you are sitting on the train and someone starts bad mouthing foreigners/Americans right in front of you. This happens in every country, Japan is just my first place to experience it. And typically it is the old generation that is 'distributing' the racism. The younger generation in Japan seems to be quite accepting and very much open to talking to foreigners. I have found it extremely easy to make friends in Japan, even outside of the University setting. The younger generation is more open and not as likely to move away from you on the train...

In contrast to the racism, many (and I do mean MANY) Japanese people are more than happy to assist a foreigner who looks lost. In many instances, Japanese people have gone 5+ minutes out of their way to help me. One man in particular, in my first month here, walked with me and my friends to a shrine 10 minutes out of his way. The level of kindness I have experienced here is unbelievable. I've seen more kindness from strangers here in 5 months than my whole life in America. I think its a fair trade for the racism - seeing as the racism is pretty minor. Not being allowed into bars/clubs because you're foreign is a little annoying though.

Oh, as for the picture, some buddies and I went bowling last Friday and managed to make friends with 7 Japanese kids. Language barriers are not even a problem. I love this country.