The Japanese Language Proficiency Test, JLPT for short or the 日本語能力試験 for the opposite of short....long, I guess.
I mentioned a while back that I'm studying for the JLPT, and so far I haven't given up. I don't really believe that this test can adequately assess your Japanese ability, but Japan has an unhealthy relationship with exams and sometimes you just need that little piece of paper to say you're smart. In all seriousness, the whole exam taking process in Japan has gone insane. Picture the SATs, but every few years starting in elementary school. From the time you learn how to write you are given entrance exams into all levels of school. I love Japan, but I'm glad I didn't have to grow up in its school system. Sure I'm legally retarded from going to public school in America, but at least I didn't have to take soul crushing exams that determine my future from 1st grade.
The JLPT is just another wack exam that is a good idea for any gaijin who wish to work in Japan. Why am I taking this exam since I think it blows? Having a tangible goal is a great motivator for me to buckle down and study the language, especially the parts of the language I hate (I'm talking about you, Kanji). The amount of kanji/vocab/grammar needed to pass each level of the JLPT is clearly defined, so to pass this exam you basically just need to go through the lists of required kanji/vocab/grammar and commit them to memory. This website lays it out quite nicely. Is that all language is? Memorizing selected vocabulary and being able to regurgitate it? No, of course not. You don't even have to speak Japanese during the test, so this is obviously not a perfect method for testing language fluency.
The one thing I do like about the JLPT is how it classifies the levels of Japanese and it requires a high level of Japanese to pass the N1. 5 is SUPER easy and 1 is insanely hard. There are a lot of Japanese books out there, and they all have their different take on what beginning through advanced is, but the JLPT has a pretty good layout. In contrast, the Pimsleur and Rosetta Stone have a pretty low bar for 'advanced'. I thought about listing some good study books, but you can just as easily google JLPT N2 grammar and kanji and find which sites work best for you.
Those that took the exam in December should be getting results soon. Good luck to everyone that took the JLPT. I can't wait till I get my own piece of paper that tells me what I already know - that I can できる the 日本語！
Showing posts with label Japanese. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Japanese. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Changes in Perception
I can’t stress enough how much my perception of Japan changed over the years. It truly does surprise me. It makes me wonder how much of the stuff I believe about Europe and South America is completely untrue. Though, I’m pretty sure Germans wearing socks and sandals is fact…and gross.
Here are some minute and detailed things I didn’t realize were completely unfounded.
For starters, I was under the impression that Japanese people were bento eating, judo knowing, train riding, fetish loving, anime watching smart people. I could not have been more wrong. I can’t think of one Japanese person that fits all of these characteristics. In fact, some of these attributes, like anime and fetishes, are such a minority that it makes no sense why I would have ever believed that.
Eating bento, Japanese box lunch, though fairly common, is not quite as popular as I first imagined. Many department stores and some restaurants sell these pre-made lunches with many different dishes in their own compartments, but they don’t seem to be as popular as grabbing a quick bowl of ramen or gyuudon. My perception may be skewed by the fact that eating bento is not really done in public places, but I’m pretty sure this is not the most popular method of eating lunch.
Much to my dismay, martial arts is about as popular in Japan as it is in America, so being a black belt does not do much for my nanpa game. Weak.
Okay, I was basically right about riding trains, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t cars in Japan, just fewer. Trains are awesome and efficient, but they are by no means the only way to travel in Japan. Taxis, buses, my friends’ cars, and bicycles are just as important to my travel in Japan as trains are. Plus, if you want to see what rural Japan has to offer, or the beach, good luck finding a train that goes there.
Another popular myth was that Anime in Japan has more cursing and violence than what you see on cartoon network. Well, more cursing would be quite a feat since Japanese doesn’t really have any curse words. Kuso, chikusho, kisama, are loosely interpreted as shit, son of a bitch, asshole respectively. However...
Kuso can also be used pretty lightly, depending on intonation. Like 'mekuso' can be used to describe the crap that's in your eyes when you wake up.
Chikusho, is now pretty outdated, and just means beast. I guess it’s crude by Japanese standards, but by no means a four letter word.
I'm getting off topic but I'll close with words I've learned that do offend people.
Kisama and Omae are fairly rude things to call someone to their face (they literally mean 'you'...just a rude version). They aren't curse words per se, but are good at getting a rise out of people nonetheless. Myself and my other bromodachi use Omae when talking to women, because why not?
When you want to refer to some other asshole across the room, aitsu is a good choice.
Here are some minute and detailed things I didn’t realize were completely unfounded.
For starters, I was under the impression that Japanese people were bento eating, judo knowing, train riding, fetish loving, anime watching smart people. I could not have been more wrong. I can’t think of one Japanese person that fits all of these characteristics. In fact, some of these attributes, like anime and fetishes, are such a minority that it makes no sense why I would have ever believed that.
Eating bento, Japanese box lunch, though fairly common, is not quite as popular as I first imagined. Many department stores and some restaurants sell these pre-made lunches with many different dishes in their own compartments, but they don’t seem to be as popular as grabbing a quick bowl of ramen or gyuudon. My perception may be skewed by the fact that eating bento is not really done in public places, but I’m pretty sure this is not the most popular method of eating lunch.
Much to my dismay, martial arts is about as popular in Japan as it is in America, so being a black belt does not do much for my nanpa game. Weak.
Okay, I was basically right about riding trains, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t cars in Japan, just fewer. Trains are awesome and efficient, but they are by no means the only way to travel in Japan. Taxis, buses, my friends’ cars, and bicycles are just as important to my travel in Japan as trains are. Plus, if you want to see what rural Japan has to offer, or the beach, good luck finding a train that goes there.
Another popular myth was that Anime in Japan has more cursing and violence than what you see on cartoon network. Well, more cursing would be quite a feat since Japanese doesn’t really have any curse words. Kuso, chikusho, kisama, are loosely interpreted as shit, son of a bitch, asshole respectively. However...
Kuso can also be used pretty lightly, depending on intonation. Like 'mekuso' can be used to describe the crap that's in your eyes when you wake up.
Chikusho, is now pretty outdated, and just means beast. I guess it’s crude by Japanese standards, but by no means a four letter word.
I'm getting off topic but I'll close with words I've learned that do offend people.
Kisama and Omae are fairly rude things to call someone to their face (they literally mean 'you'...just a rude version). They aren't curse words per se, but are good at getting a rise out of people nonetheless. Myself and my other bromodachi use Omae when talking to women, because why not?
When you want to refer to some other asshole across the room, aitsu is a good choice.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Katakana vs the English Language
Before you get too excited about learning Katakana, there is yet another down side to this distant cousin of actual words. Most, but not all, カタカナ words are borrowed from English. Japanese (particularly drunk Japanese) assume all Katakana is English so you as an English speaker should understand.
First of all, the Katakana word is likely only related to the original word by one vowel sound.
For Example:
Naita- This comes from the word Nighter, which is somehow supposed to mean 'night game', like a night baseball game.
Secondly, there are other Katakana words based on German, French, Korean, and others.
For example:
Anke-to (アンケート): Survey. This is based on the French word, Enquette with the same meaning.
Third....Katakana is retarded.
Kariumu (カリウム) : Potassium. Yeah, that makes sense. Actually, it at least explains why a K is used for Potassium in the periodic table...but how the hell am I supposed to know that?
If you refuse to learn カタカナ, you will never be able to speak Japanese well. But on the other hand, you won't have to butcher your native language... Before I completely convince you that Katakana is the most annoying aspect of Japanese, here are a couple katakana words that aren't so bad.
OK：Okay. It means exactly what you think it means. Is used to say things like 全然OK (zenzen OK): its completely fine.
セフレ,Sefure: Friend with benefits. Is a combination of the word Sex and Friend.
First of all, the Katakana word is likely only related to the original word by one vowel sound.
For Example:
Naita- This comes from the word Nighter, which is somehow supposed to mean 'night game', like a night baseball game.
Secondly, there are other Katakana words based on German, French, Korean, and others.
For example:
Anke-to (アンケート): Survey. This is based on the French word, Enquette with the same meaning.
Third....Katakana is retarded.
Kariumu (カリウム) : Potassium. Yeah, that makes sense. Actually, it at least explains why a K is used for Potassium in the periodic table...but how the hell am I supposed to know that?
If you refuse to learn カタカナ, you will never be able to speak Japanese well. But on the other hand, you won't have to butcher your native language... Before I completely convince you that Katakana is the most annoying aspect of Japanese, here are a couple katakana words that aren't so bad.
OK：Okay. It means exactly what you think it means. Is used to say things like 全然OK (zenzen OK): its completely fine.
セフレ,Sefure: Friend with benefits. Is a combination of the word Sex and Friend.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Kanji 二番
After briefly discussing why studying Kanji (漢字) is not as bad as it seems, let me bring you back to reality with 3 typical problems you will more than likely encounter on your journey to literacy.
1. The 'I have no f&#%@* clue' problem
As kanji gets more complicated, it can become impossible to read. When you come across these indecipherable kanji, you are basically screwed. You can guess how they might sound based on the radicals, but you can never really be sure. Congratulations, you are an adult who can’t read
鬱 - I think this means 'retardedly complicated'...
2. The 'Dog+Small+Room = Dog House' problem
Problem number 1 was a worst case scenario. There are some instances where you come across compounds you have never seen before yet you might know exactly what the word means because you know the 2 or more Kanji the compound is comprised of. If you know the building blocks well enough you can guess the meaning and pronunciation. Like the example above, Inugoya (犬小屋 ) is made up of the Kanji for Dog, Small, and Room.
Or the first time I saw 住所 on a form. The first Kanji comes from 住む, to live. The second, 所, is tokoro, place. So a reasonable person would guess this is the place you live.
On the more difficult side, for Fire Alarm you have 火災報知器. From left to right the Kanji are Fire, Disaster, Report, Know, Device. Kind of sounds retarded when you put it in those terms.
This problem is kind of like knowing what a necrophiliac is and then having to guess what necrosis means. You know the elements, so you can make an educated guess. This is a unique problem because even though you know what the word means, you still can't say it.
3. The 'What’s the Kanji for 'I should know this?' problem
For most people, you learn to speak at a rate exponentially better than you learn to read, so much of Kanji studying is learning how to write words you already know. Similar to the situation above, sometimes you can almost guess what the compound will be before you even learn them. I think there is/was a game show in Japan based on a similar concept, where they give you the name of some difficult Kanji and you have to guess what the character is made up of based on the meaning. I'll post that if I ever find it.
For example, after learning what suugaku (数学) and kougaku (工学) mean, mathematics and engineering respectively, I could only assume that literature was bungaku (文学). You can pretty much put 学 after anything to make it the study of that thing.
Whats the kanji for water gate? Whats that? Water (水) and gate (門)? 水門...why didn't I think of that?
1. The 'I have no f&#%@* clue' problem
As kanji gets more complicated, it can become impossible to read. When you come across these indecipherable kanji, you are basically screwed. You can guess how they might sound based on the radicals, but you can never really be sure. Congratulations, you are an adult who can’t read
鬱 - I think this means 'retardedly complicated'...
2. The 'Dog+Small+Room = Dog House' problem
Problem number 1 was a worst case scenario. There are some instances where you come across compounds you have never seen before yet you might know exactly what the word means because you know the 2 or more Kanji the compound is comprised of. If you know the building blocks well enough you can guess the meaning and pronunciation. Like the example above, Inugoya (犬小屋 ) is made up of the Kanji for Dog, Small, and Room.
Or the first time I saw 住所 on a form. The first Kanji comes from 住む, to live. The second, 所, is tokoro, place. So a reasonable person would guess this is the place you live.
On the more difficult side, for Fire Alarm you have 火災報知器. From left to right the Kanji are Fire, Disaster, Report, Know, Device. Kind of sounds retarded when you put it in those terms.
This problem is kind of like knowing what a necrophiliac is and then having to guess what necrosis means. You know the elements, so you can make an educated guess. This is a unique problem because even though you know what the word means, you still can't say it.
3. The 'What’s the Kanji for 'I should know this?' problem
For most people, you learn to speak at a rate exponentially better than you learn to read, so much of Kanji studying is learning how to write words you already know. Similar to the situation above, sometimes you can almost guess what the compound will be before you even learn them. I think there is/was a game show in Japan based on a similar concept, where they give you the name of some difficult Kanji and you have to guess what the character is made up of based on the meaning. I'll post that if I ever find it.
For example, after learning what suugaku (数学) and kougaku (工学) mean, mathematics and engineering respectively, I could only assume that literature was bungaku (文学). You can pretty much put 学 after anything to make it the study of that thing.
Whats the kanji for water gate? Whats that? Water (水) and gate (門)? 水門...why didn't I think of that?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
漢字
After all that ‘easy’ katakana stuff comes the real Challenge – Kanji. At first glance Kanji , Chinese characters, seem like a tough pill to swallow. They are actually not too terribly hard to learn…except there are more than 2000 in daily use…so good luck with that.
Most people just see a bunch of scribbles when they look at Kanji, but the characters are made up of some basic building blocks (basically the more difficult Kanji are made up of several simply kanji called radicals). You can even use these radicals to look up unknown kanji in the dictionary. I think this was done in an ancient time before you could write the kanji in a denshi jisho or just hold your cell phone over the character for a translation. So once you get familiar with the simpler building blocks, you can pick up new words really quickly. Then once you learn these words, you can combine them to make new words.
For example, ィ can represent a person, 木 stands for tree. Put them together, you got a man leaning on a tree, you get 休, vacation.
女 (woman) + crown = 安, easy. I didn’t say they all made perfect sense. Take that word easy and combine it with fun (楽) and death (死) and you get euthanasia (安楽死). Tell me with a straight face that doesn’t make sense.
Okay, in case all of those half-assed examples aren’t helping, do you at least see how the building blocks help? Instead of looking at the Kanji and seeing a bunch of lines, you only have to see 2 to 5 radicals in a specific order. So when you think about it, you don’t really have to memorize 2000 kanji, just 200 radicals and how to arrange them.
Japanese have problems with Kanji too, so don’t feel terrible about knowing a measly 100 or so Kanji. With the rising popularity of computers and keitai, many Japanese are forgetting how to write these characters out. Kind of like the need to spell correctly flies out the window once you discover spell check.
If you've learned nothing else remember this kanji, 外国人, because no matter how many kanji you know, this is all you'll be.
Most people just see a bunch of scribbles when they look at Kanji, but the characters are made up of some basic building blocks (basically the more difficult Kanji are made up of several simply kanji called radicals). You can even use these radicals to look up unknown kanji in the dictionary. I think this was done in an ancient time before you could write the kanji in a denshi jisho or just hold your cell phone over the character for a translation. So once you get familiar with the simpler building blocks, you can pick up new words really quickly. Then once you learn these words, you can combine them to make new words.
For example, ィ can represent a person, 木 stands for tree. Put them together, you got a man leaning on a tree, you get 休, vacation.
女 (woman) + crown = 安, easy. I didn’t say they all made perfect sense. Take that word easy and combine it with fun (楽) and death (死) and you get euthanasia (安楽死). Tell me with a straight face that doesn’t make sense.
Okay, in case all of those half-assed examples aren’t helping, do you at least see how the building blocks help? Instead of looking at the Kanji and seeing a bunch of lines, you only have to see 2 to 5 radicals in a specific order. So when you think about it, you don’t really have to memorize 2000 kanji, just 200 radicals and how to arrange them.
Japanese have problems with Kanji too, so don’t feel terrible about knowing a measly 100 or so Kanji. With the rising popularity of computers and keitai, many Japanese are forgetting how to write these characters out. Kind of like the need to spell correctly flies out the window once you discover spell check.
If you've learned nothing else remember this kanji, 外国人, because no matter how many kanji you know, this is all you'll be.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Lets Hear some Japanese
You can read about Japanese all you want, but it is absolutely necessary to hear this fantastically mathematical language. I’ve found a good video that has examples of lot’s of English Katakana and good expressions. This video has the added bonus of showing you how low budget Japanese TV is.
If you are just reading the subtitles, do you see how they use the word ‘challenge’? He is not just trying to cut various objects (and friggin succeeding at it), he is challenging himself to do something awesome.
'Super slow' is the most obvious Katakana in the video but did you also catch that 'Besuto suri-'? That's 'Best Three' if you were wondering. You can also here the surprised 'heeeeeee' after the samurai cuts everything. Use that word, it's a lot of fun.
The whole variety show concept is very reminiscent of elementary school ‘show & tell’, but I think elementary school had a better budget. Someone comes in with a skill or object (usually food) and everyone chatters away while looking at it. This may have seemed like a good idea at first, but this concept gets old, FAST. Most of the time, the guests aren't as cool as this Isao Machii Samurai either. Here, enjoy more of this dude cutting things in half, and then never watch Japanese TV again...
If you are just reading the subtitles, do you see how they use the word ‘challenge’? He is not just trying to cut various objects (and friggin succeeding at it), he is challenging himself to do something awesome.
'Super slow' is the most obvious Katakana in the video but did you also catch that 'Besuto suri-'? That's 'Best Three' if you were wondering. You can also here the surprised 'heeeeeee' after the samurai cuts everything. Use that word, it's a lot of fun.
The whole variety show concept is very reminiscent of elementary school ‘show & tell’, but I think elementary school had a better budget. Someone comes in with a skill or object (usually food) and everyone chatters away while looking at it. This may have seemed like a good idea at first, but this concept gets old, FAST. Most of the time, the guests aren't as cool as this Isao Machii Samurai either. Here, enjoy more of this dude cutting things in half, and then never watch Japanese TV again...
Monday, January 10, 2011
5 Most Common Japanese Words (you will absolutely hate using)
美味しい: Oishii (delicious) – this obviously had to make the list. You cannot go 5 seconds without hearing this damn word. If you want to man it up, you can say Umai – it has basically the same meaning. I’ve come to the conclusion that all Japanese are self conscious of their cooking, so whether you’re eating a nice prepared meal, or a shucream from a conbini, be sure to say this at least 37 times before finishing.
Oishii my ass...
痛い: Itai (ouch) – This is mostly for the women. Since all Japanese women are real women, they are light and dainty, and as such they need to convey this to everyone around them. One manner of doing this is to say itai when anything gets remotely close to touching you? Just trip over a bike? Itai! Just get hit by a wash cloth? Itai! Its so versatile!
そうですか: Sou desu ka (is that so) – In addition to being self conscious chefs, Japanese people are never sure you’re listening to them unless you interrupt their conversation as much as possible to let them know you aren’t sleeping. Conversations go something like this…
Kinou, Ken ni battari atta. - Sou desu ka?
Kare ha Kyoto ni… - Sou desu ka?
Nani .. - SOU DESU KA!
Nagarakugaragara (????) – When you get older in Japan, you can’t be bothered with silly things like enunciation so be sure to slur your words and barely open your mouth to make your speech indecipherable. But still act surprised when people say they can’t understand you.
heeeEEEEEEE? ( word? ) – When someone gives you new or surprising information use this word. Be sure to start soft and build to a dramatic finish. The longer you hold out the word, the more surprised you are.
All sarcasm aside, lets have a serious recap.
Oishii – it is expected that you say this about your food. Whether it sucks or not is irrelevant. You can try to eat your meal in peace or chime in with a little “mmm”, but sooner or later someone will ask Oishii? Trust me. Just say the word.
It's all oishii dammit!
Itai – I suppose the word has sort of morphed to become “woah” or “yikes” in addition to “ouch.” It is just a knee jerk response when someone gets touched by surprise. It doesn’t mean they are hurt, so don’t assume all Japanese are pansies. And when I say Japanese women are REAL women, I mean it. Guess who don't get the epidural when having babies. That's right, Japanese women.
Sou Desu Ka – I sometimes here it over used in conversations but it just means “uh huh”, “really”, “you don’t say”. You can also say it after someone asks you a question to buy you time to come up with an answer. It’s actually a quite useful phrase.
Insert mumbling here – I don’t know what it is about men getting older in Japan but it turns their Japanese into garbage. It seriously happens to EVERYONE. It is a common stereotype for the elderly in Japan, so don’t worry if you can’t understand some old dude. Even native Japanese can barely understand these fogeys.
heeeEEEEEEE – I say this sometimes to make fun of how others sound, but people take me seriously. That’s how ridiculous this word is. If you don’t like this word, sometimes an “uso!” (no way, you lie!) or a "maji?" is more appropriate.
Oishii my ass...痛い: Itai (ouch) – This is mostly for the women. Since all Japanese women are real women, they are light and dainty, and as such they need to convey this to everyone around them. One manner of doing this is to say itai when anything gets remotely close to touching you? Just trip over a bike? Itai! Just get hit by a wash cloth? Itai! Its so versatile!
そうですか: Sou desu ka (is that so) – In addition to being self conscious chefs, Japanese people are never sure you’re listening to them unless you interrupt their conversation as much as possible to let them know you aren’t sleeping. Conversations go something like this…
Kinou, Ken ni battari atta. - Sou desu ka?
Kare ha Kyoto ni… - Sou desu ka?
Nani .. - SOU DESU KA!
Nagarakugaragara (????) – When you get older in Japan, you can’t be bothered with silly things like enunciation so be sure to slur your words and barely open your mouth to make your speech indecipherable. But still act surprised when people say they can’t understand you.
heeeEEEEEEE? ( word? ) – When someone gives you new or surprising information use this word. Be sure to start soft and build to a dramatic finish. The longer you hold out the word, the more surprised you are.
All sarcasm aside, lets have a serious recap.
Oishii – it is expected that you say this about your food. Whether it sucks or not is irrelevant. You can try to eat your meal in peace or chime in with a little “mmm”, but sooner or later someone will ask Oishii? Trust me. Just say the word.
It's all oishii dammit!Sou Desu Ka – I sometimes here it over used in conversations but it just means “uh huh”, “really”, “you don’t say”. You can also say it after someone asks you a question to buy you time to come up with an answer. It’s actually a quite useful phrase.
Insert mumbling here – I don’t know what it is about men getting older in Japan but it turns their Japanese into garbage. It seriously happens to EVERYONE. It is a common stereotype for the elderly in Japan, so don’t worry if you can’t understand some old dude. Even native Japanese can barely understand these fogeys.
heeeEEEEEEE – I say this sometimes to make fun of how others sound, but people take me seriously. That’s how ridiculous this word is. If you don’t like this word, sometimes an “uso!” (no way, you lie!) or a "maji?" is more appropriate.
Monday, January 3, 2011
More Words
If you’ve had any experience at all with a foreign language you likely have that story where you asked for dog feces instead of Reese's Pieces. We’ve all been there. To help avoid this future mix up, I have put several pairs of similar words together so that you’ll be less likely to make these hilariously embarrassing mistakes.
In most cases, words that sound similar are so different in meaning that people can assume what you meant to say, but sometimes the words are similar enough to create problems. For example…
Byouin, Biyouin – Byouin (病院) is a hospital while Biyouin (美容院) is a beauty parlor. If you are suffering from alcohol poisoning but manage to get into a cab and ask to go to the Biyouin, you'll be one sexy looking corpse.
Suwaru, Sawaru – Suwaru (座る) is to sit while Sawaru (触る) means to touch. This little mix-up is based on actual events. A buddy of mine strolled up to nice lady on the train with an empty seat next to her. ‘Can I touch there’ he asked while pointing down…. SECURITY! Actually he was lucky, she just laughed it off.
Chizu, Chi-zu - Chizu (地図) is a map while Chi-zu (チーズ) is cheese. I'm not exactly sure how this could go bad, but it has potential to go horribly wrong.
Gamu, Gomu. Gamu (ガム) is gum while Gomu (ゴム) is rubber, or condom. I can see this playing out all too well. You are getting frisky with a young lady at a classy establishment like hotel fine. Its getting heavy so you look her in the eyes and ask ‘do I need gum?’.
'No, of course not' she says….BAM, you got herpes.
And a classic is Kanjou, and Kanchou. One means check, while the other means enema, or to poke your fingers into someone's ass. I say it's a classic because nobody uses that word for check anymore. I'll just let you guess which one is which the next time you're at a restaurant and want to leave...
In most cases, words that sound similar are so different in meaning that people can assume what you meant to say, but sometimes the words are similar enough to create problems. For example…
Byouin, Biyouin – Byouin (病院) is a hospital while Biyouin (美容院) is a beauty parlor. If you are suffering from alcohol poisoning but manage to get into a cab and ask to go to the Biyouin, you'll be one sexy looking corpse.
Suwaru, Sawaru – Suwaru (座る) is to sit while Sawaru (触る) means to touch. This little mix-up is based on actual events. A buddy of mine strolled up to nice lady on the train with an empty seat next to her. ‘Can I touch there’ he asked while pointing down…. SECURITY! Actually he was lucky, she just laughed it off.
Chizu, Chi-zu - Chizu (地図) is a map while Chi-zu (チーズ) is cheese. I'm not exactly sure how this could go bad, but it has potential to go horribly wrong.
Gamu, Gomu. Gamu (ガム) is gum while Gomu (ゴム) is rubber, or condom. I can see this playing out all too well. You are getting frisky with a young lady at a classy establishment like hotel fine. Its getting heavy so you look her in the eyes and ask ‘do I need gum?’.
'No, of course not' she says….BAM, you got herpes.
And a classic is Kanjou, and Kanchou. One means check, while the other means enema, or to poke your fingers into someone's ass. I say it's a classic because nobody uses that word for check anymore. I'll just let you guess which one is which the next time you're at a restaurant and want to leave...
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