Monday, January 31, 2011

The Joys of Being a Gaijin

The wonderful thing about being a gaijin in Japan (well, one wonderful thing) is that most women make it pretty clear whether or not they like foreigners. Whether a 日本人 lady likes foreigners or not, it is nice to know where she stands right off the bat so you don’t waste your time.

FACT: Contrary to popular nerd beliefs, Japanese women do not all like white dudes. There are a certain number of women who do, in fact, only go after foreigners and they are called gaisen (外専) and these are the women that you see with those greasy, lanky, American rejects all over Japan. I don’t really blame gaisen for this, they are just working with what they have, and Japan tends to attract the weirdos. I haven’t quite determined if the word gaisen is offensive yet, so I would wait on using it in public.

After talking to some of these gaisen, I’ve found that they don’t necessarily hate Japanese men, they just hate what there life would be like with them...and I’m not really sure which one is worse. For instance, Japanese men (and I am most definitely generalizing) tend to not show as much affection. Kissing, hugging, and saying ‘I love you’ are rarely done and most certainly not done in public. Plus, once a Japanese man starts work, he could work 14 hour days, leaving little time for taking care of and spending time with his lady. Some gaisen also like muscle which is something lacking on many Japanese men. They also don’t have big blue eyes like yours truly.

The younger generation seems to not hate us foreigners so much, so if you are in the market to score some Japanese ladies, now is as good a time as any, but…

READER BEWARE: Gaisen are often confused with Eigo-bandits - not a real word but a very appropriate phrase for these women as you will see shortly (Thanks go out to my buddy Zach for coining this phrase). Eigo-bandits and Gaisen are not the same thing. In fact, they are quite the opposite of what you’re looking for. While gaisen only like to date foreigners, Eigo-bandits simply want to use foreigners for their language ability. Some girls are really aiming high for that ANA job and need to practice their English! Found a Japanese lady but you’re not sure which kind of girl she is? Here are some clues that she’s an Eigo-bandit.

She ONLY speaks in English. She asks you to invite other foreigners out for her friends. She goes to Kansai Gaidai University.

Clues that you’ve got a keeper: She never speaks English, she wants to meet your friends (not just the foreign ones), good judge of character (she can spot the difference between normal and nerdy foreigners).

Eigo-bandits come in all shapes and sizes, so stay on your toes.

Last words of wisdom: Learn Japanese! The number of women you meet, date (or bone) is directly proportional to your language ability. Besides, I’m always wary of Japanese girls who know too much English – see above – and those are the only girls you’ll meet when you can’t speak Japanese.

No comments: