Okinawa Restaurants.

Japan freaking loves to eat.  Why?  I have no idea, but you'll see, especially city side, around 300 restaurants in any given direction.  I'm still trying to figure out how any of these places make money with such a saturated market and food so reasonable priced (~500 yen for a decent lunch).  Well, more than one person has said Okinawa has more restaurants per capita than any other place in Japan, which explains why I'm drowning in food here.

Which would also help explain why I see the Japanese people are a little on the heavier side. Like, 105lbs instead of 95.  Not a huge difference, but definitely a deal breaker.

Fattys aside, the food is pretty good here in Oki.  The yushidofu was pretty tasty the other day.

Its a warm and gooey tofu, and yes I know that doesn't sound all that great but its as smooth as butter (without the guilt of eating, you know, butter).  The big bowl above is the yushidofu in a miso base and the stuff to the left tastes just like thanksgiving stuffing despite being a byproduct of the tofu making process.

The biggest deal in the picture above is the 'to-go' bag.  Getting a doggy bag on the main islands is unheard of, for some unknown reason, but its fair game in Okinawa.  Maybe the island is small enough and everyone drives here so it's easier to take food home...?  Or they don't realize that to-go sushi is not a good idea..?  Whatever the reason, it is awesome to not have to eat everything on my plate.  Now I have room for more important things, like beer and awamori.

Hooray Beer

I found another 'beer like beverage' worth drinking the other day - Sapporo's Mugi to hoppu.  Kudos Sapporo. I've always been happy with everything you do despite your complete disregard for my liver's well being.

It's happoshu but has a good, lager taste.  Made with Mugi (wheat) and hops.  Not just 'flavored' with hops like those other guys.  

Thus far I've been disappointed with Orion's fake beers.  Perhaps I just need to go straight to the source at The Orion Beer Factory in Nago.  Its about a 1.5 hour drive from where I'm at, 2 hours north of the Capital, Naha.  Who puts a beer factory that far and not along any public transportation?  And I heard drivers don't get the two free beers at the end...stay tuned while I try to find someone to drive me up to Nago...

Yoshinoya!

If I could only have one word to describe Yoshinoya it would be 'dudethisplaceissomoney!".  

I really hated typical fast food in America because it was such an unpleasant experience.  There was no denying it was bad for you, the staff were never paid enough to give a crap, and no matter how good it tasted during it just tasted like regret afterwards.

Yoshinoya is the epitome of what fast food should be.  First and foremost because of speed.  You can order and start eating within 90 seconds - not a joke, I timed it. What makes it more amazing is there are never more than 3 people working, and that is for lunch rush.

There are all the free amenities you'd expect from a Japanese restaurant.  Free tea, shichimi, and ginger and the ones in Okinawa have drive-thru!  You eat out of real bowls, drink from real cups and can you say open 24 hours? 
The only thing that would make them better is if they served beer....oh, they totally serve beer! Yoshinoya can be both the cause of and solution to your hangover! (much like alcohol is the cause of and solution to all of life's problems).

Jeez Jon Evans, what would one have to pay for such an awesome experience?  I'm glad you asked. 

390 yen mofos!  

The metal dealie is for straining your egg in case you only wanted to add the white or yolk to your food.  Pretty thoughful.  Don't forget your free tsuyudaku (more secret sauce).

New Stuff

Wow the past 2 weeks have flown by in Okinawa.  Now that I'm somewhat settled in I can really start trying new things.  This place is surprisingly different from mainland Japan, in both good and bad ways, so it should be pretty easy to find new places to go and things to do and eat.  Mostly eat I guess. It's not really a rule, more of a guidline, but I'd like to try something new every day and see how long I can keep at it...

Day 1:  Today is a twofer. First up, ニンニクの茎 - garlic branches.  As in the stems that garlic grows on. You get used to eating a lot of garbage parts of food in Japan. I spent less than 400 yen on the meal below and I'm pretty sure I got my money's worth. The garlic stems are those green little stalks mixed in with the other vegetables and they kind of tasted like bamboo shoots. Not too bad I guess.

Normally food isn't THAT cheap in Japan, but grocery stores start discounting the "old" lunch Bento around 3ish so I got it for half price.  

The Orion Southern Star on the other hand was a little disappointing. The can says it's a "liqueur" and it was very affordable (~148yen), so I don't think it's real beer. At least, I hope it isn't real beer because it had the bite of happoshu. Not awful, just not as good as all the dancing in the commercials would have me believe. Better stick with REAL Orion.

Oh yeah, that's the stuff

Okinawan Food

Everything Japan does is usually full throttle, so I guess I should have expected Okinawan food to be as prevalent as it is.  Okinawa has a lot of claims to fame and they can all be found within arms reach. I've only had a handful thus far, but I've been pretty happy with the selection.  Like the mainland, every different prefecture has something they do different but okinawa does many things, way different.

Goya chanpuru is pretty well known and is in the top middle of the picture above.  The goya is the green bitter melon and it is mixed in stir fry.  I can't really compare it to anything because it doesn't taste like any food I've ever had.  Really bitter is all I can say, but it works really well mixed together with all the other ingredients.

I'm putting Koregusu on everything here!  It is hot peppers mixed with awamori (okinawan alcohol with an acquired taste). You then pour the spicy alcohol on your okinawan soba and taste the magic. I'm not sure how much alcohol is actually in the mixture, but it has quite a spicy kick so have a beer ready. It tastes WAY better than the awamori with the pit viper in it, Habushu. Habushu may be a story for another time but lets just say some places give free samples, it tastes like bitter whiskey, it is supposed to be good for your health (yeah right) and its pretty disturbing how they make it.

The good stuff, Koregusu ( コーレーグース) 

Stay tuned.

Japanese TV

Well, it already happened.  I have been in Okinawa for only a week and already want to throw myself off a building when I catch a glimpse of a television, and Buddha help me if a variety show is on.  I honestly can't believe Japanese television is not considered torture by the UN.  I truly believe that Japan's television programs (and lack of any real swear words) are causing the large suicide rate in this country.  It is, dare I say it, almost as bad as Fox News.

I could rant for days but this guy did it for me, and with much more linguistic color.  It's poetic how well this man can describe our shared distaste for this crude excuse for entertainment.  

There is the distinct possibility that there is a language/cultural barrier and that one day I'll just 'get it', but until then I will be confounded by why every punchline to a half joke is written in bold letters across the screen; why all variety shows hire the sound guy from Nickelodeon; why anyone cares about the so called celebrities on these shows; and what in the eff is up with all the effing food!  It's JUST food!

Just 2 days ago I saw Japanese "celebrities" sing all the "greatest" "hits" from the past decades (did you see how many quote marks I used?).  Yesterday was the usual walking aimlessly down streets and trying mildly interesting food and wait for it.....OISHII!  The 'best' thing on so far was watching 2 teams play a Japanese form of Lingo.

At least the commercials are unintentionally hilarious.  

I need to stop eating with the TV on...

Convenience-Mendokusai Duality

Japan, in it's infinitely confounding nature, is always trying to screw with me.  Once I think I have a handle on Japan it throws me a knuckle-ball and puts me in my place.

Take, for instance, the utterly insane convenience of this place.  Want a beer?  Just swing by a vending machine, or conbini, or pretty much anywhere and buy one.  Want to drink said beer and not have to worry about driving?  Take one of the thousand trains or buses that run on time, taxis that automatically open and close doors for you, rickshaws and bicycles waiting at your disposal (Jon Evans does not condone riding a bicycle while intoxicated).  Need to sober up and wash out your mouth after puking on that train?  Grab some food from a conbini, bento or ramen truck, izakaya, or yatai that is within stumbling distance.

250 Yen Bento/Soba.  Way to be awesome Japan.

Just woke up in a haze and you realized your rent is due? Too freaking bad.  Put yourself together because apartments and banks have never heard of the internet.  You gotta do this crap in person. Paying rent typically requires you to withdraw money, like cash money, and bring it to the bank to deposit into the owners account.  What a waste of time.  I would rather be homeless.  It is hard enough to do any online apartment research yourself because the housing websites are SOOO bad.

How about getting a job to pay for that apartment?  Well just submit a resume and see what happens. Oh, and that resume needs to be hand written.  Seriously Japan, you make the best electronics on the planet yet you can't seem to figure out that people like using computers.  I'm using one now and it's awesome.  WEEEEEEEEEE!  Now please just take my money straight from my bank account so I can sleep this hangover off.

Okinawa

Well, I'm officially off to Okinawa to live for a couple years starting in December.  I told myself I wouldn't go there because it isn't REAL Japan but the more I look into it, Okinawa is looking pretty chill.  I mean, what's not to like about an island with good food, local booze (awamori) and tanned Japanese girls?

All the military bases and white people?  Yeah, that is probably going to suck, but I'm hoping it is just more motivation to perfect my Japanese and set myself away from the herd.  I've heard there are places off the military bases that accept dollars, so that is kind of a bummer too.   Public transportation?  I've heard that is also crap...damn, Okinawa is starting to sound a lot like America.

Before I make myself too sad, I need to think of more good things. Okinawa has the most centenarians, so kudos to the old folks.  Lots of good SCUBA locations and a brewery in close proximity. What else..what else...ah, it is still Japan and therefore awesome. I feel better now.

Okinawa, often called the Hawaii of Japan, is not THAT far from the 4 main islands.  A couple hours and a ~$50 ticket from a low cost airline later and you can be in Kansai living it up.

2 more weeks.  Sayonara old life, and Haisai Okinawa.

Baiku

Having a バイク　(Baiku/Motorcycle) is awesome.  You get better gas mileage, get the wind in your face, you look cool, and get crazy chicks.  Unfortunately, Japan makes the process of owning a bike, as with owning a car, overly complicated and costly - which is probably what "CCs" stands for.

Lets start with the good stuff.  Japan still has Harleys.  I've noticed they are pretty popular and the shops are in every major city.  I've only been able to afford their t-shirts but someday a Harley may be in my future.

Japan also has WAY cooler bikes than the US.  Japan, much like Europe, requires separate licenses for small (less than 125cc), medium (125 to 400), and large (greater than 400) bikes.  As a result they have a bunch of cool designs that dance right on the lines between licenses.  Just go ahead and compare the bikes between the Honda US website and the Honda Japan website, or Kawasaki, Yamaha, Suzuki, etc.  Japan has at least twice as many designs, and most of then are less than 400ccs.  A 125cc sport bike is unheard of in the states because everyone in america 'outgrows' 250cc bikes in a couple months, but that is the perfect bike for Japan or really anyone new to riding.  Japan is full of mountains and twisties.  Who needs to go 180mph when you can cruise the mountains of japan on a 125cc bike that cost you less than 4 grand?

One down side that comes with all that variety is my American motorcycle license doesn't completely transfer to Japan.  An American motorcycle endorsement only allows me to ride up to medium sized bikes.  Unfortunately to ride a "Large" bike you need a separate test, fee, those little passport photos you get from booths by the train station, etc.

You may have already noticed that bikes in Japan are more expensive.  My american bought CB500F is a CB400F in Japan, but Japan charges a grand more for it.  This is pretty universal with the exception of some of the big bikes.  Due to the issue above with the extra hassle of getting a large bike license, some of the larger bikes go for a little less in Japan compared to stateside.  Particularly if the yen gets weak again, you can save a pretty penny buying a big bike in Japan.  Not Harleys though, those bikes are expensive no matter where you buy them.

If you're not quite ready for a Baiku, try out a scooter.  They're freakin everywhere in Japan!  I'm pretty sure getting the license only involves a written test, which people talk about here.

Whatever you decide, there are plenty of places in Japan that you can't get to via public transportation, so I strongly recommend having a personal vehicle to hit up beaches and popular hiking/nature trails in Japan that are secluded from the waves of people you come to expect.  Find your own part of Japan and enjoy it.  Might I recommend Yamanashi?

Maid Casino

Japan has long been known for its maid cafes.  I was pretty surprised when China beat Japan to starting an airline with flight attendants dressed as maids and butlers.  Probably a terrible business model anyway (see Hooters Air)

The last time I was in Tokyo I hit up an awesome/creepy place in Akihabara, a Maid Casino.  I probably don't need to explain it any further because it was exactly as it's name implies.  It was a casino and all the staff were dressed as maids.  While the idea is simple enough, it was a pretty good time.

How does it work?  They have different tiers, but you can enter for as cheap as 2000 yen and they give you $200 in chips.  From there you get a complimentary drink and you pick your game.  After every hour or so you have to pay a small fee (in chips) to stay.  If you get bored before going bankrupt, you can show the staff how many chips you have and they will keep track for next time.  You will still have to pay a small fee to enter when you come back, but it is much cheaper than the initial cost.

They also have craps!

I thought it was a really cool idea, and since Japan doesn't gamble much outside of pachinko it was weird to gamble in Japan.  I also learned some Japanese gambling lingo in the process.  At blackjack they call the numbers out in English, and when someone hits and gets a 20 or 21, everyone says ナイスアップ(Nice Up).

I only had 2 complaints, which aren't even really complaints just something to be aware of.  For one, maid themed anything attracts the weirdest of the weird.  This maid casino was PACKED with otaku.

Second, this was most definitely not Vegas, or even Detroit.  When you walked up to a game, everyone assumed you didn't know how to play, and it took a while to get games started (though they did have some nice laminated cards with the game rules on them).  I've been to Vegas and know my way around a craps table, so I found that I knew more about the game than the maid running it.  There was also only one person manning the craps table, instead of the usual 4, so the game was a little slow.   I wasn't betting real money so it wasn't a big deal.  I just found it interesting that Japan has such little experience with the casino atmosphere.

If you happen to be in Tokyo and need to kill a couple hours, and you have already seen the temples/shrines/fish market, I would recommend the Maid Casino in Akihabara.  I can promise you'll be the coolest person there.

夜行バス - Night Bus

While the nightbus can be a great way to catch a cold and some lower back pain, it is also my favorite means of travel in Japan. I just recently went from Osaka to Toyko then from Yamanashi to Osaka with a total cost of less than 一万円 (Convert To Dollars). I strongly recommend the night bus for anyone out there looking to travel around Japan for a host of reasons....which are:

1) It's Cheap - As mentioned above, night bus travel is dirt cheap. There are a LOT of companies out there, and a lot of demand for travel which is a great recipe for competition and cheap fares. I usually take the cheapest buses (about 3000 yen from Osaka to Tokyo one way) but if you value comfort they offer buses with better seats, WIFI, and more space for an extra one to two thousand yen. Sure you could spend 4X that on the shinkansen and get their in 1/4 the time, but wouldn't you rather arrive with an extra ichiman in your pocket to spend on souvenirs booze, or your plane ticket to get to Japan in the first place?

2) They're everywhere! Even in rural ass Japan (Yamanashi) they had a pick up spot along the expressway. The pick-up was basically a rest stop for travelers between two big cities. The rural stops tend to be more expensive, but still a good way to travel, but the buses do show up early so it is best to get there 20 min before your departure. My buddy and I had to sprint through a food court and parking lot because the bus driver was calling to ask where we were...15 minutes before the scheduled departure!

3) Rest Stops - The buses I've been on stop every 2 hours or so. In my half awake fog I don't remember much about the rest stops, but what I do remember is that they sell a lot of regional goods. For example, when traveling to Tokyo from Osaka, the rest stops in between offer the regional Kit Kats from Osaka, Kyoto, Tokyo, and everywhere in between. It is pretty convenient if you forgot to pick up some omiyage (Japan is a souvenir culture) or if you're like me and just want to try some of the hundreds of Kit Kat flavors (spoiler alert: they're all awesome!)

Rum Raisin (bottom right) actually lists a small alcohol content. It was メッチャ tasty

And the Wasabi (middle left) was less subtle than I remember

4) Touchaku! - Getting to your destination at 6am is pretty awesome. You have the whole day ahead of you so you can go straight to work, breakfast, shower at a manga cafe, wherever. Be sure to pick up a complimentary toothbrush on your way out to cure that morning breath. The down side is most department stores don't open till 10 or 11, so you need to kill some time before you can do some shopping and eat free samples of roll cake and whatnot. I try to get my sight seeing in early before everything gets hot and crowded.

Are there downsides? Of course. You could be stuck sitting next to a salary man that smells like a chimney had sex with a pile of wet garbage, but its all part of the experience!

お酒

Sake is awesome. Often referred to as Japanese 'wine', If you don’t know too much about sake, this article will change what little you know about drinking and cooking with Sake. I found everything about this article to be good news.  For example:

Cheaper sake is better for cooking – great.
Sake doesn’t age well, so get it fresh and drink it quickly – done.
Sake is more like beer than wine, so I guess that means it’s cool to just drink it from the bottle?
Sake and mirin are also good ways of adding the mysterious umami taste to your food – awesome

 My latest sake du jour

Many people point to umami as the reason Japanese food is so filling and delicious. And interestingly, combining salty/sweet/sour with umami creates a tasty sensation greater than the sum of their individual parts. For you Japanophiles, it’s like a half saiyan/half human being more powerful than both species apart – they compliment each other and make your taste buds go super saiyan…or something lame like that.

I'd like to conclude with what I call, the void.  Not to get too sidetracked but in addition to ‘reverse culture shock’, a return back from Japan leaves a hole in your stomach that cannot be filled with American cuisine. If you go to Japan for any extended period of time, going off of Japanese food cold turkey is a rough time. On my visits to America I found myself eating all day, every day and never EVER getting full. This may have combined with the sadness of leaving Japan and the crying myself to sleep, but it is not just me.  My friends who have visited for mere weeks reported the same thing happening to them.  Just one more reason to never leave Japan.

Capsule Apartments and the Internet

Here we go again, look how whacky those crazy Japanese are!  People actually live in 1.5 jou capsule apartments!!!

Where do I begin...


Yes, some nights in Japan made me wonder how screwed up Japan actually is but what you have to realize is that Japanese people are just that; people.  Human people.  Japan is a country that kicks America's ass at everything important, so how 'weird' can they really be??  (The answer is actually Pretty Weird, but not weirder than most.)

Before I continue, let me stress that this is the internet where anything can, and often is, published before validating anything.  We've seen this with LED mouth lights, bagel heads,
Egypt Necrophilia law,  Obama is a 'muslim', and on and on.  Unfortunately as a result of the never ending quest for page views, most 'news' has lost its credibility.

So how about this crazy city of Tokyo (pronounced Tou Kyou - 2 syllables)?  Tokyo, like the internet, is large enough for anything to exist.  Tokyo is quite literally the largest city in the world so it really doesn't surprise me that ANYTHING exists in Tokyo.  If you've ever spent time in Tokyo you'll know that transsexual host clubs are just the tip of the iceberg of Tokyo's weirdness.

All that aside, lets assume these apartments are popular and they are popping up all around Tokyo.  For the single recent college graduate with zero free time and a low salary, this type of living makes a lot of sense.  It is minimalist to the extreme, but I get it.  Would I ever rent one of these apartments?  Of course not.  I need the extra room to take back 3 women from the clubs.  But those young salary men and women have 10 hour days and live on $2K a month.  If all you do is sleep in your apartment, why would you bother paying for the extra space?  The question shouldn't be 'how can people live like that?'  It should be, 'why hasn't anyone else thought of this before?'


I would also like to add that unlike many Americans, most Japanese people are not  fat tubs of goo that require 1000 SF of closet space for their Doritos...so there's that.  Also, the 1.5 jou (Tatami sizes differ but I think this converts to 3ish square meters or about 30 something square feet) is just the sleeping area.  Since there is a communal kitchen/bathroom, you have a lot more space available to you.  So how about it?  Would you be willing to give these apartments the old college try?

日本語能力試験

The Japanese Language Proficiency Test, JLPT for short or the 日本語能力試験 for the opposite of short....long, I guess.

I mentioned a while back that I'm studying for the JLPT, and so far I haven't given up.  I don't  really believe that this test can adequately assess your Japanese ability, but Japan has an unhealthy relationship with exams and sometimes you just need that little piece of paper to say you're smart.  In all seriousness, the whole exam taking process in Japan has gone insane.  Picture the SATs, but every few years starting in elementary school.  From the time you learn how to write you are given entrance exams into all levels of school.  I love Japan, but I'm glad I didn't have to grow up in its school system. Sure I'm legally retarded from going to public school in America, but at least I didn't have to take soul crushing exams that determine my future from 1st grade.

The JLPT is just another wack exam that is a good idea for any gaijin who wish to work in Japan.  Why am I taking this exam since I think it blows?  Having a tangible goal is a great motivator for me to buckle down and study the language, especially the parts of the language I hate (I'm talking about you, Kanji).  The amount of kanji/vocab/grammar needed to pass each level of the JLPT is clearly defined, so to pass this exam you basically just need to go through the lists of required kanji/vocab/grammar and commit them to memory.  This website lays it out quite nicely.  Is that all language is?  Memorizing selected vocabulary and being able to regurgitate it?  No, of course not.  You don't even have to speak Japanese during the test, so this is obviously not a perfect method for testing language fluency. 

The one thing I do like about the JLPT is how it classifies the levels of Japanese and it requires a high level of Japanese to pass the N1.  5 is SUPER easy and 1 is insanely hard.  There are a lot of Japanese books out there, and they all have their different take on what beginning through advanced is, but the JLPT has a pretty good layout.  In contrast, the Pimsleur and Rosetta Stone have a pretty low bar for 'advanced'.  I thought about listing some good study books, but you can just as easily google JLPT N2 grammar and kanji and find which sites work best for you.  

Those that took the exam in December should be getting results soon.  Good luck to everyone that took the JLPT.  I can't wait till I get my own piece of paper that tells me what I already know - that I can できる the 日本語！

ホスト in Japan

For an inside scoop into the more seedy and REAL Japan, I strongly suggest you check out this book and blog.  It is written by an extremely good friend (and nampa mentor) of mine.  If you've ever seen The Great Happiness Space and wondered how true it is, wonder no more!

While hosting can be a great way to destroy your liver and throw up blood, it is also a pretty great way to score chicks and practice your Japanese.  I'm not trying to give a sales pitch for the profession, because it pretty much sells itself.  Also, I'm just saying that you shouldn't be so quick to diss these effeminate men (?) when you see them stalking their 90lb prey in downtown Osaka. 

In all seriousness though, it is a pretty good gig, especially if you're a foreigner.  Its pretty hard to get a legit job in Japan, even if you do speak Japanese.  Many host clubs have Yakuza connections so hiring a gaijin isn't really a problem for those folks. 

What are you still doing on my blog?  Give the link above a shot and get inside the head of a tall, blonde, gaijin with a golden shamrock up his ass.  This dude has some stories.

久々！

I'm back!  It's crazy how quickly life can become a blur of work, sleep, repeat.  Things have calmed down and my priorities have become  clear so I will be writing about how awesome Japan is again.

First things first - the dollar to yen is back on the rise!  Maybe in the next year you can finally trade a Benjamin for a full ichi-man.

Secondly I'd like to reiterate something.  White people suck, and so do generalizations.  Hypocrite you say? Absolutely.  Wrong?  Probably.  When I say white people I don't mean all whiteys, I mean jerk face Americans.

One thing I can't stress enough is that when you're visiting a foreign country, especially one as homogeneous (read 'afraid of immigrants') as japan, you are working against deeply engrained stereotypes.  Many Japanese don't have personal experience with foreigners, so they HAVE
to rely on stereotypes.  Whenever I pass little elementary school children in Wakayama and they stare at me for 20 minutes, it is because I'm probably the first and sexiest white person they have seen
in person.

Whether you know it or not you have a huge responsibility to not be a douche when you're representing the first gaijin for the Japanese people you come across.

Those rape prone naval folk down in Okinawa are doing a huge disservice (and generally being total dicks) to me and any other foreigner in Japan.  I have met a few Americans that say they're
Canadians in Japan because why not?  Canadians come across as less aggressive and more worldly aware, and tend to smell better than their neighbors across the pond.

I am brutally aware of the negative stereotypes that surround Americans in Japan but I think I'm doing my part to combat them.  I offer my seat to old or attractive women on the bus and train.  I use
Japanese and make as many Japanese friends as possible.  Despite America being known as a cocky, christian, obese nation, I am none of those things and I think it helps fight the stereotypes when Japanese people know that. 

Best of luck in your own crusade to prove your place of origin isn't full of jackasses!