Kakigoori - かき氷

Holy crap, it is the end of September and Japan is still hot. August is the worst but Japan seems to be hot and humid throughout the entire summer.  It doesn't help that stores and train stations are cutting down on energy use by using less AC.

If your like me, a gross sweaty gaijin, you will be ベタベタ(sticky) just minutes after taking an ice cold shower. But there are a few ways to battle the heat that I am picking up from the nihonjin that seem to have a much easier time than my gaijin counterparts.

1) uchiwa.- These are cheap plastic fans that you can get free just by finding the right street corner.  On any given day, dozens of unfortunate Japanese folks stand in the blistering heat and hand out fans and tissues to passers by.  The fans and packs of tissues are supposed to be a means of advertisement, but I don't even look at what they say anymore.  Nevertheless a free disposable fan is much appreciated on a hot humid day.

2) wash cloth- its kind of ojiisan-poi, but I would strongly recommend carrying around a wash cloth with you at all times during the summer.  You can pick them up anywhere for about 100yen, and it helps to mop the sweat from your face.  Seriously, I sweat more in Japan than I do anywhere else, but the kakigoori makes it worth it.  Which brings me to...

3) kakigoori - Shaved ice.  Damn I love this stuff.  It is not too different from what you can find in America (its just shaved ice and syrup) but the flavors are certainly Japanese and they sell it everywhere in the summer.  Green tea is alright but I'm a sucker for イチゴミルク (strawberry milk).

Dericious

4) be Japanese.  Lastly, it really helps to be Japanese.  The only Japanese people I see that actually sweat are old (in their 50's).  Everyone claims to be hot (I guarantee you'll hear 'atsui' more than 100 times a day) but you don't really see them sweat.  Since I'm not Japanese, I utilize the shower option at the internet cafes and use free cologne at Loft because Japan is a hot sticky mess that is unforgiving to gaijin.  That being said, I freakin love this country. 

Snack Time

Now for a section I'll call J Train's Snack Time Review....It has been a slow day.

At times, Japan's economy seems to run entirely on food. Because of this, I eat more than my fair share of snack food.  Much of my excessive munching comes from the fact that tons of snack foods are both seasonal and regional in Japan. This is great if you like a fantastic selection, but sucks once you find something delicious because it will not be around forever.  For this reason, when I see something that looks good, I buy it in bulk and I suggest you do the same.  I still have dreams about those apple flavored Kit Kat that go away...

My top 5 favorite snacks (until they disappear in favor of something new) in no particular order are as follows.

Jyagariko, Cheese Curry Flavor:  I've always been a huge fan of Jyagariko.  The Ume flavor was pretty good, but that was seasonal a while back, so I haven't seen it again.  You can always find Salad and Cheese flavors, but they get old after a while.  Cheese curry isn't very spicy, but you can definitely taste the Japanese curry.  Buy these before they're gone!

Wild Curry Pringles.  Yes, wild curry.  They aren't too spicy, but you can definitely taste the curry.  It has more of a Japanese curry than an Indian curry taste, but that is to be expected.  I've been dipping these in hummus and its ridiculously すばらしい!

 Lime Soda Gummy.  I've loved Pure Gumi since I had them 4 years ago. They are kind of like Sour Patch Kids, just with more unique flavors and you can find them EVERYWHERE.  Check out the above website, they have Lemon, Grape, Bitter Orange Squash, and Lemon Cola flavors.  Bet you didn't think I would say Bitter Orange Squash.  Kudos Japan.

Tomorokoshi Pretz.  For you gaijin, that means a thin pretzel flavored like corn and eel sauce (tomorokoshi).  Real tomorokoshi is popular around festival time.  It is just grilled corn and they top it with sweet-ish sauce, but will cost you around 300yen on the street.  Thank you Pretz for making this flavor much more affordable.

Don't be confused, the "BEER" label at the top of the bag just implies that it is good with beer.  I love how you can actually advertise that in Japan.  You hear that kids?  Buy these pretzels, they're great with booze!

Last and certainly not least, Umaibo.  For just 10yen you can buy yourself an over-sized Cheetoh.  Well, not a real Cheetoh, one of those fake cheese curls.  They have cheese, teriyaki,banana chocolate, kimchi and other sweet flavors and are sold in just about every convenience store, supermarket, and UFO catcher.  You'll know what I'm talking about when you see the guy on the package that totally looks like Doraemon but isn't doraemon.  I love Jyagariko but sometimes the prospect of 16 giant cheetohs for the same price as one Jyagariko is too hard to resist, especially when you can buy 16 completely different flavors.  And they're great with Chu-hai kids!


I guess the only thing left to say is "why can't I buy these things outside Japan??"  America had Wasabi Doritos for about a month but then they disappeared from the face of the earth.  Does anyone know if they still sell those?  They were delicious!!  The only company that seems to actually be trying are Skittles...Too bad I only use skittles to make Skittle Vodka...

Seriously Japan, really???

I just watched ダーリングは外国人 and a terrible commercial for a smartphone in japan. Both of which had a black dude (黒人) that I've seen in on ultra wifi posters in various train stations. Well, I made the mistake of asking why he was in those commercials/movie...and nobody can freakin tell me.

Does nobody else see whats odd about this picture??

 I'll give you a hint, it has nothing to do with the robot

Seriously though, Japan is not too big on asking questions, so it would not surprise me if this dude just showed up the day they were filming this commercial and nobody wanted to tell him to get out of the way of the camera.

Anyway, besides this mysterious black dude, the movie ダーリングは外国人 was okay, for a Japanese movie.  The first 30 minutes were kind of interesting, and I could definitely relate to a lot of the experiences.  It seems like every gaijin in Japan has a problem speaking Japanese.  Not because it's hard to speak it, but because as soon as you open your mouth people expect to hear English.  Even if you're the most fluent gaijin in Japan, nobody will 'hear' your Japanese.  Its a really weird phenomenon and this movie opens with this sort of exchange within the first 5 minutes.

The movie is based on a manga (or an Anime?), so throughout the movie they show little cartoon clips that look like this.  To keep the mood light, they also show brief clips of interracial couples (Japanese women and some kind of foreigner) who share little stories about their relationship.  That's a cute idea, except EVERY gaijin was a total goober.  The main character Tony was the only one who represented us gaijin in a good light. 

Like I said, the first 30 minutes were kind of interesting, then the movie kind of drags on, so don't feel bad if you fall asleep, I certainly did!

So if you're a cool gaijin in Japan, give this movie a try, and then go out and continue to be awesome to offset some of the damage caused by this movie. 

きれいな京都

Kyoto, unlike Tokyo, never disappoints me or steals my money. Kyoto is a fine whiskey that always goes down smooth. Kyoto is a gorgeous high school girl that can keep a secret...okay, its getting a little weird. My point is that Kyoto is still my favorite city in Japan.

Kyoto is absolutely beautiful. From the girls working at OPA, to the scenic views on the outskirts of the city, this place just reeks of sexiness. What I love the most is that you can see tons of cool temples, parks, and bars just by walking from Sanjo Station (on the Keihan Line) or Kawaramachi Station (Hankyu Line). From those stations, OPA mall, 3 clubs, and Shakey's Pizza are about a 5 minute walk. Kiyomizu Temple, Yasaka Shrine and Maruyama Park are about a 30 minute walk that is completely uphill.

Last week I hit up all of the above mentioned spots in just a few hours. The best place to relax after the long walk is right on the river. Grab a friend, some Chu-hai, and some Jyagariko and you've got yourself an evening.

Because Kyoto is so chill, there is always something going on by the river. This particular evening there was a dude dancing with fire while his friend slaved away on the bongos....I'm sure you can guess which one got the girls.

Try and dance without bongos, asshole.

I could write for days about Kyoto...so I think I will. Stay tuned.

コンビ二 you let me down

Well, after my first night back in Tokyo after 3 years, I woke up in less than stellar shape. Naturally, I headed to the nearest conbini, which was only 2 minutes away....and they had absolutely nothing for my pounding headache (頭がガンガンしていた).

For real Japan? Your conbinis are half the reason I have a hangover, and your conbinis have EVERYTHING! How could I have missed this before? I suppose I was blinded by the vast selection of bread, desserts, beer, snacks, facial wash, magazines, onigiri, gum, hair wax, makeup, t-shirts, cell phone chargers, chu-hai, cup noodles, and thousands of genki drinks.

Even my phone was hungover when I took this picture

I had to walk about 20 minutes towards the station, passing 2 Lawsons and 3 Family Marts, just to get to a drug store. I really should have brought my bike to Tokyo.

If you need medicine, look for the 薬 sign. Drug stores (yakkyoku 薬局) will have everything you need to treat your hangover, and any other ailment you may be experiencing. Heads up though, Japanese medicine will help you fight your colds, but many of my American friends who grew up taking antibiotics with their morning cereal are not satisfied with the strength of Japanese medicine.

Yakkyoku also tend to have cheaper prices on snacks than conbinis. Its not uncommon to find Jyagariko and Onigiri Senbei for around 60-80 yen where prices are as high as 160yen in conbinis. The down side is that yakkyoku are few and far between compared to the Family Marts on every corner, so stock up on that ibuprofen and Pocari Sweat beforehand.

A 写真 is worth 千 words

Humor me and click this link. Or better yet, just look about 2 inches down and check out this picture from google maps. I'm planning out a tokyo trip and stumbled upon this picture that says more about Japan than you probably realize. There is so much to be learned from this photo, so just take a second to soak it in.
I'm sure you noticed a few things but now I'm going to dissect this picture from left to right and point out everything that is Japan.

1) Black suit brown shoes. Everyone wears brown shoes with all spectrum's of suit colors. Its cool, so get used to it.

2)Green pay phone. Since its a payphone, its really old. They take coins and magnetic phone cards, but not all of them make international calls. Whatever, you won't need these paleolithic era contraptions.

3) Recycling bins. If you think it sucks separating the paper out of your recycling then you won't enjoy Japan's take on it. Green tea and soda bottles come with perforated labels so you can peel them off and separate them easier. And don't you dare put the burnable trash in with the plastic trash...

4) People reading magazines without buying them. This is grounds for being shot in most stateside convenience stores, but you see this EVERYWHERE in Japan. The only magazines worth buying come with free porn dvd's inside....I wish I was kidding.

5) Parking Spaces? Oh right, there are none...city life baby! Get a bike or walk, cause you're going to pay a small fortune to put gas in your ride and park it.

6) You can't see it, but this AMPM is owned by Family Mart, and Family Mart (like everything in Japan) has a catchy jingle. Go ahead and listen if you dare. Anata to conbini famiri- ma-to!!!

Thankfully AM/PM's jingle isn't as good

Well, now I have to go drink heavily to get those songs out of my head. Excuse me.

Following the Rules

Japan is a country of rules. Whether they are written rules or unspoken is not exactly relevant, they will be followed just the same. I am of course speaking in generalities, but if you’ve spent any time in Japan you’ll notice that the vast majority of its citizens follow society’s laws, a definite shock to those from America. These rules, and the ability to actually follow them, make Japan a peaceful and harmonious place even in big cities where there are 14,000 people / square mile. (4000/km^2 for those of you smart enough to know metric)


Much of what upsets me about Japan (which is not very much) stems from my desire to break rules and Japan not taking too kindly to that. In my head, rules are there for a reason: to govern people too stupid to know any better. Rules can also be broken when nobody is looking. In
Japan, the rules are for everyone. These rules, as a big picture provide a safe and cohesive Japan. The little picture involves it being 3 am with approximately 2 cars on the road, while people still wait for the light to tell you that its okay to cross the street. I certainly don’t do that, but many Japanese people do.

Even the more racist rules, like not letting us white folks in to bars and other establishments (usually bars where women are paid to talk to you), are followed without hesitation. It doesn't happen too often but it still stings every time I'm denied service for being white. But in the back of my mind I know that in the past some pompous businessmen came to Japan, couldn't keep their hands to themselves, and have forever ruined it for the rest of us.

In the wake of the recent earthquake/tsunami disaster, Japans conviction has been commended in many news reports. And speaking of news reports, there are rules for that too. Rather than
sensationalize the disaster (I’m looking at you CNN, FOX, NBC, everyone else), there is a method of reporting in which you give the facts and try to invoke as little panic as possible. This of course makes the news reports a little more boring, but it’s a nice feeling being able to listen to the news and actually believe some of what is being said.