Why Do You Love Japan?

This is a question asked of expats and general travelers alike (I was asked twice today). Unfortunately it is often a loaded question where the one asking is just waiting to refute whatever you have to say.

Myself: I love Japan because it’s the safest, most beautiful place I’ve ever been.

Some dude: Yeah, but we have guns and steak and cars. I can’t live without my cars, guns, and steak…

Myself: Well you can keep your guns and cars, I’ll take my 90lb women, cheap canned booze, and a reliable train system not covered in urine.

It is pretty easy to respond to loaded questions. If someone is generally interested in what you have to say, it is incredibly difficult to sum up Japan in 3-5 bullet points, but I did my best.

Seriously, even though Japan seems like one big city, it is squeaky clean. It has its fair share of sketchy , dirty back alleys and homeless people, but compared to Miami, New York, Vegas, Seoul, anywhere else I’ve ever been, Japan is the cleanest. You don’t see gum on the sidewalk. You don’t see newspapers and cigarette butts in the streets. You don’t see graffiti on the subway. You don’t see condoms in parking lots. Dare I go on?

Notice the lack of dog turds and Chinese takeout pamphlets.

You don’t need to drive. Not that driving is that much of a pain in the ass, but think about all the money you spend on a car, gas, maintenance, and insurance. Wouldn’t it be nice if you had that extra money in your pocket? Yes, trains, taxis and buses cost money, but you don’t really NEED to take these modes of transportation. Even in the outskirts of major cities a bar, grocery store, conbini, restaurant, or anywhere else is just a 20 min or less walk or a 10 minute bike ride. To add to that, there is ZERO need for a designated driver. Just take a second to soak that in. You can drink as much as you want, whenever you want and never have to worry about getting home. Lastly, though trains can take a bit of time, it is time that you can be productive. Emails, reading, stock exchange, whatever you can bring with you can be done during your commute. Also, Asians can't drive...Still no trash

I’ve never been in a better mood or better shape than in Japan. Not only is Japanese food inherently more healthy (yakiniku and corn mayonnaise pizza excluded) but the extra biking and walking does wonders. After a few short weeks in Japan you'll be one genki SOB. As a bonus, you are surrounded by a population just as skinny and sexy as you are.

True, Japan is not for everyone, but I believe a lot of this has to do with everyone being retarded.