No Mo' Kimono

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there is nothing more beautiful than a woman in a kimono.…

Correction, there is nothing more beautiful than a Japanese woman in a kimono. There is something about a white girl in a kimono that is both awkward and kind of disgusting, but I digress...

The kimono has been around hundreds of years before America was ever discovered and is made up of many layers. So its pretty much exclusive to skinny Asian girls. Honestly, I don’t really care for the white fur that many girls tend to wear on their shoulders, it looks a bit too cave man-ish. Everything else about the kimono is adorable. The bright colors, the obi, the helpless way you have to walk when wearing tight clothes and tall wooden shoes. It’s the perfect outfit!


Which is why I was a little concerned when I read this. The number of people who actually know how to produce these gorgeous pieces of clothing are dying out. Kids don't seem to be lining up to take on the family kimono business like they used to.

Indeed you can walk the streets of Kyoto at any time of day and see at least 3 women in kimono, but for the most part its reserved for ceremonies. That’s a shame because if it were up to me, I’d make a day called kimono kinyoubi – kimono Fridays. I guess in a sense it would be the opposite of casual Fridays. And guys can wear Kimono too, but typically people mean a female kimono when they say kimono.

If you’re as upset as I am about the decline in Kimono producing popularity, just watch this. It always cheers me up!

And then this just brings me back down…

But this brings me way back up! Way up!

マクド

Japanese McDonald's are going to start banning smoking. Go ahead and let that sink in for a second. Is it just me or does that sound absolutely retarded? Cause you certainly wouldn't want the mild inconvenience of smoking while your sipping your 4000 calorie milkshake, right??

For some reason, Japan has been moving in the anti-smoking direction recently...and I don't see the point. Japan even recently imposed its largest tax hike on cigarettes. So much for 300 yen per pack (about $3.70). Its now up to about 440 yen per pack (about $5.40).

For the most part, smoking establishments have decent ventilation or even a separate section separated by a glass door. And in case you haven't done your research or even seen an episode of Penn & Teller's Bull Shit, it hasn't been proven that second hand smoke is harmful. Just let this guy give you the short version. Nevertheless, I find it extremely hypocritical that Makudo would start banning smoking. Being only 24, I can vaguely remember a time in America where smoking was still cool to do indoors, but I always thought Japan would stick to its guns.

Speaking of McDonald's, I usually enjoy all the specialized foods the Japanese McDonald's has to offer, but it tends to be lost on the gaijin crowd. Foreigners (basically, Americans) tend to look at the menu items in a mixture of surprise and disgust. I can only respond with two words..."Screw you." Seriously, its hard to talk about how gross a teriyaki or shrimp burger are when you come from a country that eats Chitterlings, Turducken, and Deep Fried Twinkies. And KFC just came out with a damn "sandwich" that's just two pieces of chicken, bacon and cheese! Congratulations on developing a 3000 calorie sandwich without a single friggin vitamin.


I honestly wish McDonalds in America was more like the Makudo in Japan - because then I might actually go...

Thats Profiling!

Its hard to talk about racial profiling in Japan without sounding like I'm profiling Japanese people myself, but what the heck, I'll give it a shot.

In 1 year, I was stopped about 3 times on my bicycle, and at least once at a train station and asked where I was going and if that was actually my bike. It was kind of fun at first because I got to practice my Japanese with some police officers. Which is even more fun than it sounds considering most cops I've seen in Japan are 50+ years old so the threat of a baton shampoo is minimal.

The first time I was stopped I had only been in Japan for 1 month, so my Japanese was extremely limited but I managed to get the point across that it was my bike and I was just going home. This was said with the confidence only umeshu could bring and a lot of hand gestures. After the third time being pulled over, I made sure to study some new Japanese words. Words like Sabetsu (discrimination) and Kuso! Satsu ga kita! (oh sh%&, its the cops!) are some good words to start with. Its also important to keep your gaijin card with you at all times, cause those coppers will most definitely ask to see it.

Apparently this doesn't just happen to foreigners. It happens to Japanese who appear to be foreigners as well!

So I guess all us foreigners do in Japan is commit crimes. Which is actually not too far from the truth, it just sucks that I'm constantly questioned by the police. A big thank you goes out to all the inconsiderate gaijin douches in Japan for committing gaijin hanzai (foreign crime).

P.S. For those of you unaware, riding your bike inebriated is illegal, in America and Japan. So I would try to keep the times you ride your bike blitzed to a minimum.

Pictured: sweet ride

More on Japanese Haircuts

In a previous post I mentioned a writer for the Japan Times and their interesting articles, but I think I have changed my mind. I've made it through just about all of this guys articles in the Japan Times and have come to the conclusion that this guy is too much of a typical American for me. In one of his articles, he actually says "I hate karaoke." Who hates karaoke??? Its probably because he is on the older side, but this article kind of bothered me. You can poke fun at Japan's odors, odd food, and crowds but anyone who has any doubts in the Japanese haircut has some serious issues. The line "But I dreaded going to a Japanese barber" made my blood boil. First of all, what the hell is a 'Barber'? Its not the 50's anymore, I think hair stylist or even hair artist is more appropriate.

I'll admit that I was a bit nervous the first time I went to get a haircut in Japan, but that was because I had been there a whole month and was worried I couldn't make small talk (which was not a problem at all). Every Japanese person under 40 had awesome hair and was 'man pretty', so I was not at all worried about what the final product would look like.

Actual haircut aside, the experience is well worth whatever you are paying. I don't know about you but I don't mind being pampered and massaged for dirt cheap.

I guess in the end it doesn't matter what that guy thinks. More haircuts for me!

Gaijin Perspective

I managed to stumble upon a writer for The Japan Times, Thomas Dillon. He is a gaijin living in Japan. Well, not really Japan, in Tokyo. His views are a little jaded and his love for Japan is not as passionate as mine, but we have a lot of common ground. His articles have reminded me of a lot of feelings I have about Japan, many of which I have forgotten about.
Its strange how easy and how quickly it is to get used to something when its in your face ever day. Things such as the smells of Japan, or how ridiculous it is to buy souvenirs for everyone you know has already been moved to the back of my mind. I only notice the smells of Japan after being away for a long time, and I AM one of those idiots that follows the omiyage code of conduct.
Allow me to explain. When it comes to shopping and ritualistic obligation, Japan takes the gold for both. So when someone goes on a vacation, no matter the occassion, it is no surprise that they are expected to buy omiyage (souvenirs) for everyone and anyone they know or plan on knowing. A concept that, on the surfaces, sounds wasteful and expensive...which it is. However, I found myself taking part in before I even knew I was ４万円 poorer on both my trip to Korea and Hiroshima. By the way, ４万円 buys you quite a bit of momijimanju and crap to hang from your phone...
As for the smells, Japan just smells like Japan to me. It is a unique and wonderful smell that I have learned to associate with drunken good times. I wish they bottled that smell. I've been trying to pick apart the exact smell but it always eludes me. I'm sure that fish and soy sauce are a major part of it, but that sounds a tad racist...Rest assured, if I ever put my finger on it, I will share it with the world.

Here are the two articles that jogged my memory. They are worth a read.
An Odor by Any Other Name
A Journey on the Road More Traveled

Japanese Food

やった！ I got myself some of those unique Kit Kats I was talking about earlier. I still need to find some of the seasonal ones to try (though they probably aren't around anymore), but I have Soy Sauce and Red Bean Paste now. Honestly, I'm usually not a big fan of the red bean paste. I wasn't too fond of the original もみじまんじゅ　(Momijimanju), the popular sweet from 宮島 (Miyajima) that is filled with red bean paste. I was a bit skeptical about the red bean Kit Kat, but it was awesome. It was somewhat chewy, and the bean paste was not overpowering. The taste was almost caramel-ish. It doesn't taste nearly as strange as its name implies. The Sakura and Green Tea Kit Kat's however taste exactly how they sound and are extremely delicious. I love just about anything green tea flavored but the Sakura one was quite refreshing. Whenever you find them, buy them in bulk!

Speaking of Japanese food, Banana Vending machines are making their way across Japan. If you click on that article, it has some good information, but I'm not too fond of the writer (it sounds like they have no idea what they are talking about). If they sold bananas in vending machines in America, then I would share their concerns with freshness. I wouldn't eat a Twinkie out of an American vending machine for fear of it being well past the expiration date, but I trust Japan. The line "You can find them almost everywhere, if you know where to look." doesn't make much sense either...
This concept just further supports the idea that ANYTHING can be bought from a vending machine in Japan. If I could only find a vending machine with out of season Kit Kat flavors....

Shocker!

Wow, the prime minister of Japan resigned. That never happens! oh, wait, thats like the fourth time in four years. Japanese prime ministers all seem to follow the same pattern.
Step 1: Make a lot of promises
Step 2: Get elected
Step 3: Spend a lot of money on things to distract from not being able to meet any promises
Step 4: Have a scandal discovered
Step 5: Resign
Step 6: Repeat

Its getting a little ridiculous. Lets see how this Naoto Kan fellow can hang on. I give him 8 months.
In more scandalous news, Japan has been trying to get the ban on whaling lifted by using money and prostitutes. I'm not really sure how to explain this one except Japan is so dead set in its ways that it would rather bribe other countries than have to eat a few less whales. But I bet if Japan came along and ate and killed turkeys to near extinction and then told the U.S. they couldn't eat them anymore that would cause some unrest too, but I digress...

Instead of whale, why don't the Japanese focus on their more delicious sushi. One plate each of kyuri, inari, and natto maki is a complete meal in itself. No fish or endangered mammal required. Don't these pictures make you hungry??

Oh, I stole the pictures from Kappazushi's website.