Fatties, Film, and Feliz Navidad!

I've posted a lot on Fat with respect to Japan in the past. But this is mostly cause Japan takes weight pretty seriously. Despite the sub-100lb beauties everywhere you look, its still common to see diet and cellulite removal ads on a regular basis. Whatever they are doing is working apparently - a recent study shows a decrease in obesity in Japanese children. You won't see those kind of headlines in America unless we run out of food. But for anyone that has seen Penn & Teller's Bull Shit, season 5 you would know that the BMI scale is bogus and that weight is not the best judge of physical health. Just don't tell Japan that!

If you wanna go on the puke till you're skinny diet, I think Tokyo Gore Police is the movie for you! Just watched this movie recently and it makes Kill Bill look like The Sound of Music. If you want to just lose your appetite altogether, then watch Audition. This is another Japanese movie with the same starring actress, but this movie is disturbing on a whole different level. I don't want to give anything away, but you might want to check it out on IMDB.

Well, today is Christmas in Japan which means Love Hotels and KFC's are filled to capacity....
But I have been told that Love Hotels are not just for doing the deed. Japan is a very public culture, with little opportunity for privacy, especially for highschool/college kids since they typically live with their parents till they move to Tokyo for work or get married. I was told that around half the people that go to Love Hotels don't even get down and dirty, they just do karaoke, watch movies, and enjoy some quiet time. Who knew??

火災

Since I'm in a Life Safety class this week, I felt like I should share my boredom with you. Japan actually takes fire safety pretty seriously since they get so many earthquakes and resulting fires. My classrooms in Japan actually had these cool vertical escape chute dealies.
Fire fighting in Japan is also a completely different story than in America. If you've ever seen a road in Japan you would understand - there is no way an American fire truck would get through those streets. Japanese fire trucks are pretty tiny and you'll often find jugs of water tied up to utility poles in the back roads to use for fire fighting (by civilians I'm assuming). I've been told that fire fighters don't typically go in to buildings to rescue people either - but Japanese buildings aren't really designed to last and after an earthquake you don't really want to be running in to a building anyways.

To reward you for reading the above, check this out. Japan past a law for persons over 40 to keep their wasteline in check. 85 centimeters or 33.5 inches for men and 90 centimeters or 35.4 inches for women. Is this a great country or what?? When is the last time you saw ANYONE in a Wal-Mart that would actually meet this criteria?? I'm just so proud of Japan right now. This obviously isn't the best way to fight an obesity problem, but its a hell of a good start! Considering Burger King introduced a 7 patty burger to help advertise Windows 7 just recently, this law couldn't have come at a better time.

ニュース

If you are even remotely interested in what happens in Japan, I recommend this website. It has a lot of news about Japan (in English). The info comes from a bunch of newspapers, but you can look at specific newspapers if you want. But word on the street is that Newspapers in Japan want to start charging people to look at their news online. I don't know if that will apply to this website or others sites that have Japanese news in English though.

I particularly like this website cause it provides Japanese news in a non Japanese way. In Japan, if something terrible happens, the news covers the story for weeks and discusses every minor detail of the horrible incident. For example, over the summer in Japan I heard about a man who ran over several people in Tokyo with a van for about 6 hours a day for a 2 weeks. The news even used googlemaps to show the exact route he took! (in case any copycats out there were interested in that little fact)

For those of you too lazy to go to the website, here are some Japan highlights,
*The 5'10" 120lb model Filippa Hamilton's Ralph Lauren photo had to be retouched (slimmed down) for the ad in a Japanese magazine - and she was later fired for being too fat. Boo Yah
*Japanese and British scientists discovered that cancer can be passed on in the womb.
*you know what, just check the website.


Note: I took this picture at Ginkakuji - not quite as cool of a place as kinkakuji.

Things that are 無い in the 日本

For the past several months I have made it pretty clear what Japan does have, but maybe I should take some time to talk about what it doesn't have.
1st-plus size lingerie (because no country should ever sell this, especially the Top 27)
2nd-drive thru (because the employees are worth walking in and taking a peek at)
3rd-Hibachi grill and Dragon Rolls (...cause these aren't Japanesey)

Side note: This picture was taken during Hanami, but the streets are about that crowded all the time

A YO

I am officially a working man....and I'm also officially planning a trip back to Japan (likely over Christmas) since I will have money - which is a new experience. If any country deserves my hard earned money, its the country with Chu-hais, sweet haircuts, and women that wont speak to you unless you pay....
I guess a short trip is fine since I know what I want to see/do but if you've never been, you need to set aside at least a month to really appreciate it.
I guess I should at least post some info on Japan before I complain any more ...
*In Japan, a mailman doesn't pick up mail from your house, he only delivers it (at least from what I've seen).
*People don't bow as much as they do in the movies!
*You can choose to give different amounts of blood when you donate (because a 5'4" woman in Japan ,which is about the average woman height in America, averages around 105 pounds, whereas the average woman's weight in America is 132 pounds for 20-29 year olds, and it increases with age!!)
*Ninja warrior is not on TV!

Thats all for now folks....

We all scream for.... ラーメン!

I almost can't believe I forgot to mention one of the most pleasantly surprising nights I had outside of my seminar house (that sounds a little specific and lame but believe you-me, some interesting things happened outside of that seminar house)

As I was enjoying a cold beverage from a nearby vending machine, I got the munchies but of course everything was closed. The vending machine was about to close too if I recall correctly. Just when hunger struck, a semi-creepy van came into view with a red lamp illuminating the inside. When the sketch-ball van pulled up my instincts told me that all 12 year old kids in the area better start running, but wouldn't you know it, the van smelled delicious. The van stopped, the door opened, and a Japanese man was waiting with a smile, a sweaty headband, and a bowl of ramen - Jackpot! Screw the ice cream man, the Ramen Man is a boss.

Ramen plays an important role in Japanese food culture. Much like ice-cream and being fat and disgusting is important in American food culture. So, it should not have surprised me that Japan perfected ramen convenience with the Ramen Man. There is aparently a mochi man as well, and I've seen Takoyaki vans cooking and selling in parking lots.

This website explains a little more about *Ramen* but I watched The Ramen Girl the other day and this movie seemed to cover Japan and the importance of ramen quite nicely. So if you can forgive Brittany Murphy for being in a movie with Eminem, I recommend this movie. I also recommmend eating Ramen. And if your only experience with Ramen is Top Ramen, I am really sorry - go eat some real Ramen. It is, however, usually not veggie friendly.

I'm Forgetting Everything!

For the love of god, don't ever leave Japan if you want to keep your Japanese skill, be happy, or get excessive amounts of gir......alcohol poisoning...good save.

Since returning from Japan, life has been a blur (mostly because I've been drinking about 8 days a week). I also find myself just going through the motions of life during the day instead of REALLY enjoying waking up and doing what I want....DAMN YOU JAPAN

I tried taking Japanese at UMD but I'm sure you all can guess how that went. It didn't help that the textbook was from 1988 and entirely in Romaji - which is total crap. All of you language lovers out there should drop your college language courses and pick up Rosetta Stone and a grammer book and get to studying. And grab a plane ticket while you are at it because hearing native speakers is crucial.

I'm lucky enough to have a native speaker living with me now but I honestly don't think she could teach a 30 year old Tic Tac Toe...so I'm not learning much. She's lucky she's cute...

Anywho, the moral is you should find a place you are happy and never leave. Even if the entire government in that place is out to get you (which is a story for another time).

Speaking of life being a blur, I am a fan of this picture: this is life in Japan through the eyes of a college kid in Osaka at 1230 trying to catch a train after a fantastic night at a bunny bar.

Nihon ni Kaeritai!!

Yo, I just graduated and now I've got jobs lined up - what the heck? Its starting to feel like forever since I was in the land of milk and honey. And by milk I mean chu-hai. And by honey I mean women that stay attractive through their 50's, do whatever it takes to make you happy and even when they bitch at least I don't understand it.....I'm not bitter

Anyways, I'm already afraid of getting sucked in to a job and not being able to return home. Here are some suggestions for you kids out there. If you ever get the opportunity to go to Japan - DONT LEAVE. Everyone says you can do whatever you want once you graduate, but that's bull crap. If you study abroad in Japan, finish your school there and find a way to get a job. Its WAY easier to get a job in Japan once you're already there. The pay and hours may be crap, but you're still there and not in America forgetting your Japanese and hating your life.

Unfortunately, because Japan relies so heavily on exports, it was hit pretty hard by this recession, so now is not the best time to be job hunting there. But I'm sure I could find a job picking up high school girls. Somebody has to keep these girls from making a mistake and sleeping with the old salarymen for Louis Vuitton bags (which is actually no joke and a pretty big issue in Japan)....I think I could handle that job

Well, this time last year I was probably lifting some huge ass shrine or stumbling to the last train in Nanba. Hopefully this time 2 years from now I'll be home and rich enough to support a spoiled joshikousei.

3 Favs

I have been missing the Nihon a lot lately (no surprise there), but I have been keeping my sanity with 3 little things that give me the taste of Japan, even though I`m stuck in this world of obesity and rudeness.

First - Tsubaki
This stuff is magic. I`m pretty sure its the Japan equivalent of Vidal Sassoon, its not all that expensive but it certainly does the job. It gets your hair soft and awesome (I think it even says that on the label). It does make your hair feel a little `heavy` though, but nothing a blow dryer and some wax cant fix.

Second - Movies. Particularly Shinobi and Hazard
I really enjoy and recommend these movies. Shinobi is essentially the Japanese Romeo and Juliet with rival ninja clans, but the action is sweet and its a good story. Hazard is a pretty unique story following a Japanese kid coming to New York so its got a good mix of Japanese and bad english. Odagiri Joe is in both of these movies, but he plays COMPLETELY different characters. Hazard was definitely the less popular movie, but I like it better - I strongly recommend this one. I like the main gang leaders way of mixing in Japanese words with his English and vice versa - its pretty fly.

Third - this may be a little hard for the rest of you, but Japanese Fashion
I was lucky enough to bring back a Japanese girl omiyage, so I get to see Japanese fashion quite a bit. Unfortunately she is not so in to gyaru fashion, but I`ll convince her soon enough. Yakusoku dayo.

Only Cool Kids Allowed

I suppose I should have said this about a year ago, but its better late than never.

One of the first things I was told upon arriving in Japan was to behave myself because I am an ambassador to America and white people in general. That being said, I have a few words for you anime, manga, and cosplay lovers-----Stay Home.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate you making me look cool, but its just not worth the damage you're dealing to the gaijin image. And I'm pretty sure you don't need to be in Japan to sit in your room and download anime.

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just trying to save you a wasted trip. I saw these kids all the time in Japan. They referred to the local hirakata train station as 'downtown' and wore gundam and evangelion t-shirts and never really experienced Japanese culture. Real Japanese culture is not in Akihabara or Denden town (there are some certain places there that can be entertaining because of there 'creepy sad' atmosphere, but its not REAL Japanese culture). Real Japanese culture is out in the big cities' streets, malls, bars, and love hotels. You'll learn more about Japanese society there than inside any yaoi book.

America has brought in a lot of the weird Japanese culture and its giving people the wrong impression about what life is really like there. NEWSFLASH - people who are really in to DDR are just as lame in Japan as they are in America.

So if you're going to Japan, first delete anime from your 'interests' section of your facebook page. Next, grab a chu-hai and hit the streets and talk to some real people. Find out what Japanese people are doing with their lives and what they want to be (and if they know where the water hotel is); not what their favorite ファイファン character is or how many strokes their kanji is. Get out there and grab Japan by the kintamas! Don't be like these kids

Priorities

As I was applying for a Job today (based in Tokyo, but I'll take what I can get) I realized how much my priorities have changed from just a few short years ago. So let this be a warning for all of you - If you have any major plans that you REALLY want to see met, than don't go to Japan until you've met them. This place will change your life --->>>

In the past couple years my priorities have changed from finish college, find a decent paying job, build up some money, eventually buy a house, an settle down with a family TO get back to Japan by any means. All that other sissy stuff doesn't mean anything anymore. I will take living in Japan in an apartment the size of a refrigerator and making salary-man money over just about anything else. (as long as I'm not working at one of those ultra-conservative Japanese companies...nuts to that)

I'd be just fine with my Chu-hais and my bros. and maybe the lady friend...and some ambasa, a wii and onigiri senbei and umeshu - THATS ALL I WANT!

I'll try to find some way to explain how your mind will be blown by Japan - but while I think of the words, just watch this 8 year old rock your face off. He's Japanese by the way, go figure!

I'm too young for this

First of all, does anyone even read this???

Anyways, I'm about to graduate this semester (hopefully) , so I will be choosing a job soon. Thank you America for making my job decision easy - just take anyone willing to hire you in this crappy economy is much better than having to actually decide on something

I'm looking in to careers in Japan, but as you already know, working conditions in Japan are less than stellar. Teaching english isn't so bad, but I'm looking for something more permanent. AV and hosting would be sweet but I'm pretty sure its hard to get a visa for that.

A little note for anyone crazy enough to work for a Japanese company, you'll need to take the JLPT 2 at least, 1 is better. Study Study Study! With any luck I'll be taking the JLPT 2 in the next year or so.

This website might be helpful

K, thats it, stay classy

tanjoubi omedetou!

Well, after having a birthday in the US, it really makes me wish I wasn't here. There are so many party options in the good 'ol Nihon. Getting plastered in the largest city in the world is just one option. No designated driver is of course a bonus.

Lets not forget massage parlors, love hotels, girls bars, etc. I can't speak for the ladies, but all those ideas sound great.

The only problem is, how do I get back to Japan?? The JET program is always an option (you teach your native language in Japanese middle and high schools for a few years for low pay but a free place to live). But I'm not sure if you're allowed to stay in the country after your contract is up. Word on the street is that you can't just find another VISA sponsor, you get booted out. Anyone know if that's true or not?

Well, with any luck my next birthday post will not be in english...

Holiday Season Over

Hey Hey,

During the holiday season, it REALLY made me homesick for love hotels and fast food (as is the custom for the kids in Japan). To help myself through this difficult time, I have been making flavored alcohol similar to that of Ume-Shu, the greatest alcohol known to man. Its pretty simple really, so I felt I'd share.

Equal parts Ume (or other fruit) and some tasteless alcohol - vodka or shochu
Some rock sugar (or plain ass sugar if you don't have any)

Add more sugar if you need to later on, but you just poke holes in the fruit and mix the ingredients together and wait at least 6 months. Thats pretty much it.

don't forget to get crunk.